Beyond the Black Curtain

Chapter 33 - You Could Never

A/N: I forgot to put warnings in the previous chapter about possible triggers for physical abuse. I'm sorry. I'll update that.

Here is the next one, and if you are easily triggered by mentions of potential physical harm, this is your warning. You can skip this one if you need to. Thank you.

***

Sebastian

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I kept muttering angrily to myself, running my hands over my head.

The look on Rae's face when she realized I may have hit a woman tore my insides with so much regret. In hindsight, even if I allowed Margo inside my apartment that day, I won't even touch her, just let her say her piece and let her out. All while she spoke to me, I kept thinking about my mom, how I couldn't hurt a little child's mother and that's what got me through that difficult conversation.

When Rae didn't return after a couple of hours, I banged on the guest room door to wake Chris up. He didn't take long to answer, thankfully.

"What's up? Jesus, Seb, why the hell do you look like hell fucked you over ten times?"

I pound my fist again on the wall, causing it to crack a little. Chris slightly recoiled at the suddenness of my action.

"Rae's gone," I said, my voice shaking. "I told her about that day with Margo and she...she...Chris, she fucking ran away!"

"What the hell?!" Chris nearly exclaimed, getting back inside the room to put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, putting a cap on as well to avoid being recognized while out in public. "Have you tried her phone?"

I shook my head. "She left it here. Help me--"

I didn't have to say anything else. Chris told me to stay put in case Rae comes back before he finds her and that he will call right away if he finds her first.

When I was all alone, I just about lost it. Instead of an all-consuming anger I had come to expect as a default reaction, I felt an extreme amount of sadness course through me. And disappointment. If Rae decides to break up with me, I couldn't blame her for doing so. She doesn't deserve a fuck up like me. Who knows when I finally snap and punch her in the face or something? She was better off without me. I didn't realize I was crying so hard, I could barely see. I couldn't see myself without Rae. A life without her just wasn't possible anymore. In the few months we've been together, I'd managed to make my life and everything I do revolve around her. I'd been thinking of talking to Mom about proposing to her. That's how far I wanted to go with her. The vow of marriage, the path to forever.

I guess that trip to New York won't happen soon.

Exhaustion started to creep up my body. I must have been crying for a good amount of time for me to start feeling that way. I didn't even notice how soaked the front of my shirt was. I tried wiping my face with the hem of my shirt just enough for me to go to my room to get a towel to properly dry my face off. Just as I stepped in, I heard the front door open click open quietly and close.

"Chris?" I croaked out, hoping he had good news for me. When there wasn't answer after a few minutes, I hastily grab one of Rae's discarded shirts in the bin and made my way out the room.

I felt the world stop when I saw her standing outside the door. Rae had a tentative smile on her face, but a smile nonetheless which lifted my spirits somewhat. I drop the shirt I was holding as I close the gap between us so I could wrap my arms around her for a hug. I let out a huge whoosh of breath as she hugged me back. I couldn't even say a word to try and express my relief that she returned, I just hugged her tighter to me as if letting go would spell the end of me.