So when I have a conversation, I've been known to drop in the odd dirty joke every now and then-
-Understatement...
Shhh mother Beth, I can't be that bad, well, every gal I've been with has told me I'm pretty darn good ;)
ANYWAY, Back to dirty jok--ehhh Beth...
-Yessssss child?
-The dog is watching me eat...I don't like it. By eat I mean food...I lock the dog out for the other thing.
-OH JESUS CHRIST!
-That's what she said!
That's what she said. I am sick of hearing that's what she said used just plain...badly.
An example, I was going happily down the street, skipping along, making cracks in the concrete with my feet, when I stub my toe on some invisible sticky-outy-concreaty-thing.
And I say Oh shit.
And suddenly, from behind me I hear "That's what she said."
And I felt like doing a non-sexual groan, I felt like turning around and saying:
"Sir, if a girl sounds like she has stubbed her toe when you're prodding her with your cocktail sausage, you're probably putting it in the wrong place."
I didn't-I just stabbed him with my knife and carried on walking, but the point is my dear friend who I have probably never met before, the point is WHY? BE ORIGINAL WITH YOUR JOKES, MAKE THEM MAKE SENSE. How about you use an inappropriate simile or comparison? For example:
-Hehe fish fingers.
-I'm racking my brain trying to figure out if fish fingers are inappropriate slang for something...something my innocent mind can't think of.
-Fish...vagina (eww)
Fingers...fingers.
-OH MY LORD ALMIGHTY GOODBYE.
- Well that conversation was quicker than a horny virgin.
*takes applause* Yes yes, I know I'm brilliant. So good the prostitutes pay me ;)
Of course...jokes sometimes get less funny when you have to explain it to the muggles of the dirty world...
-Well that conversation was quicker than a horny virgin.
-WHAAAAAAT?
- Honestly, it can't take 'em long to reach hallelujah once they're having sex...it'd last like 30 seconds.
-THIS IS TOO DIRTY FOR MY YOUNG MIND! THAT'S IT, MY MIND IS POISONED!
-I'm only talking about sex!
Because then...it just continues into a world of dirty dirtiness.
-I prefer the term Shenanigans.
- And I prefer the terms horizontal monster mash and noisy squishy squelchy time but you don't see many using those terms.
- Noisy squishy squelchy time ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
-Yup, basically the sound you get when you rub shampoo or soap in your hands.
-AND YOU KNOW THIS HOW?
- -...PORN! EXPERIENCE!
-YOU ARE NAUGHTY!
- I know
- Wait, experience?!?!?! What! You're too young!
-Husshhhhhh
-I'M NOT ALLOWING THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOUR!
-I'VE EATEN HARIBO OF TITTIES!
And then...and then I just get into trouble!
-WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE AT LEAST 34
-No!
- How dare you talk back to me? GO SIT IN THE CORNER.
-No! You can't make me!
-Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
And finally...I become a hippocrite huger than a horses penis.
-THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID....Oh god I'm ashamed of that...
Yes. Yes I find making a bad dirty joke more shameful than well- making good dirty jokes. And the "That's what she said" joke, is hard to make into a good dirty joke...you end up sounding like a 4 year old saying "PENIS PENIS PENIS VAGINA!" because they've only just learnt what those words mean.
