Burden (tododeku)

Chapter nine

**(Izuku's POV)**

Nine days.

It's been nine days since I woke up and he never came.

Why did he have to save me..?

I'm being released today but I was assigned a therapist to try and 'fix' me.
I'm too broken to be fixed right now.

***

It's silent in the car on the way back.
The only noise being the faint sound of my sniffles as I try and hold back gentle sobs.

I just feel so alone.
Like I have no one.
Because I have no one.

I'm completely alone with nothing to company me besides these thoughts because I already pushed everyone else away.

I chose to sit in the back so here I am, a pathetic piece of shit, curled up in the backseat of his mom's car because of a failed suicide attempt.

I really should just stop trying.
I'm just a waste of space.

Maybe if I stopped eating then I would look better and he would come back.

I'm such a desperate fuck.
But, maybe, just maybe, it will work.

***

I'm up in my room, staring at the ceiling  as I lie on my back, just thinking.
I'm not thinking about anything in particular, just thinking.

"Izuku! Dinner!" I hear my mom call up the stairs.
To be honest I am hungry but, if I eat I'll only get more fat.
I can't eat.

"I'm not hungry" I call back from my room.
I can almost see the sad look on her face as I say those three words.

Maybe I don't have to stop eating.
I can still eat, I just have to throw it up later.

I walk down the stairs to see my mom sitting at the table, tears in her eyes as she looks over at the chair I usually sit in.

I go over to her and crouch down beside her as I wrap my arms around her.
I let her cry into my shoulder as I hold her.

"I'm so sorry Izuku.. I'm trying for you, I really am.. I'm so sorry.." she mumbles into my shoulder as she grips me tight.

I just nod into her neck as tears start to form in my eyes. "I'm okay mom.. It will all be okay now... I promise you I'm going to try and get better." I mumble quietly.

She takes a deep breath and lets go of me with a gentle smile on her face. "what did I ever do to deserve you?" I smile back at her and sit down at the table.

"You know, we have someone coming over tonight after dinner.." I look up at her confused but she just smiles back at me.

***

I finish eating a bit later than my mom does and I'm about to go throw it up but before I can I hear a knock at the door.
I run upstairs before whoever it is can see me and lock myself in the bathroom.

I start to force myself to throw up all the food I had just eaten.
It burns.
It burns a lot.

I can feel the tears fall down my face as I continue.
Once I'm done I flush the toilet and walk out of the bathroom and go into my room.

As soon as I open the door my tired as open wide.

None other than Shoto Todoroki, sitting there on my bed.

He looks up at me with tears in his own eyes but I won't allow myself to cry.
He looks back down almost as soon as he looked back up, not giving me a good chance to look at him.

"You left me! Do you have any idea how fucking long I waited and waited for you to come?!" I scream at him, confused and upset.

"I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry I just-" I cut him off, not wanting to cry but being on the verge of tears. A I ever do is cry anymore.

"No! You aren't fucking sorry! Don't even start with that bullshit! Do you know how long I was breaking because all I wanted was you by my side, but maybe you just don't care." at this point my throat feels raw and is in so much pain but the pain in my head and heart overpowers it.
"You never gave a single shit about me. It was all a lie. It was all just a fucking dream!"

I see few tears fa from his eyes but I won't. Let that hurt me again.
No matter how hard I want to just be in his arms, I won't let that happen.
I don't deserve to be happy.

"why did you come now?! Huh?! What made you think you could leave me for over a month and then suddenly appear and expect me to forgive you?!" My voice is scratchy and he just looks down.

Only the do I stop to let him speak. "I'm sorry.. I'm s-so sorry I d-didnt come and it w-was my fault.. I didn't work hard enough and I-I let you down when you needed me m-most" I can tell he is holding back sobs as his voice cracks between stutters.

He looks back up at me and what I see breaks my heart all over again.
"what do you mean you didn't work hard enough..?"
I feel like such a terrible person, I should have let him speak and explain himself.

(BEFORE THIS CONTINUES: I do not hate Endeavor nor do I think that this happens but my shitty depressing brain thought this up so uh, yeah. I do not hate Endeavor (completely))

"my dad.. He found out about us.. That's why I'm here, I-" he stops and looks down.
"forget it.. I'll be fine.."

"no, please, if you don't want to talk about it that's fine but if you need somewhere yo stay you can stay here. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain, I was being irrational." My stomach burns with hunger but I ignore it.

He just nods and sits there, looking back down at his hands.
I run downstairs and get some ice for the handprint on his cheek and wrist.

Before heading upstairs I stop my mom "hey mom, Shoto has to stay with us for a while.. He has stuff going on at home" she just nods and I run back up to my room.

I give him the ice packs and bandage up the small gash on his other cheek.
After, I gently hug him "I'm sorry.."

"sorry for what..?" I just hug him a little tighter.

"for not being able to be there for you when you needed me.. For hurting myself without thinking about what affect it would have on the others around me.. I'm so sorry.." I mumble in response, and to that, he holds me a bit tighter. "this better not be another fucking dream." I joke.

I can hear him let out a quiet chuckle and I can't help but smile into his chest.

This time, he came back.