Burden (tododeku)

Chapter ten

!!!IMPORTANT TO ALL READERS AND STORY LINE!!!

this book has no plot.
It was originally a vent.
And it still is.
Idfk how this is going to turn out but when you see it change from fluffy and nice to depressing, its because this is still kind of a place for me to vent.

Oof that was a lot I'm sorry

Anyways, this chapter gonna be some shit
I apologize but no floof, only depresso for now but I promise you at some point he will get better.

**(Izukus POV)**

I haven't eaten in a week and a half.
They say I'm getting skinnier but I don't see it.

He doesn't deserve me.
I have to hide it.
If he finds out he might leave me again.
But he would never leave me.
Would he?

I'm sitting up in a tree, staring at the sun as it slowly slipped out of sight, the purple skies capturing me as I sit.
What if I never am good enough?

My ribs are aching as I slouch over my knee.
I want somewhere to feel like home.
I want somewhere where I don't have to worry about my weight or letting people down.

I want a place where I don't have to worry.
Where I can be me.
Where I can finally eat again, but, the hunger calms me in a way.

I just want to be me.
Without any judgement.

But that's not going to happen.
It'll never happen because I don't deserve something such as happiness.
I'm too fucked up.

I lean back against the tree and stare at the now night sky.

If I jumped, and it didn't make a sound, would anyone really notice?
Probably not.

Despite all that, this is the only place I feel free.
I can be myself here.
I'm alone, away from everyone else.

I feel like screaming, yelling, anything.
I'm finally alone and free.

I open my mouth and let out a long needed scream.
I feel myself almost smile at the stress it relieves from my chest.

I know it will be back but the least I can do is cherish this moment.

I feel tears sting at my eyes so I shut them tight as I let out another scream, sure no one would care.

I open my eyes after sitting for a minute and let out a sad chuckle as I stare at the stars, identifying all the constellations.

Little dipper, big dipper...

(I know more I'm just tired  rn. Might add on later)

I continue to count all the constellations as I sit on the branch.
I let myself smile for the first time in what seems like ages.

I'm calm.
Yet sad.
And somehow at peace.

I let out a sigh and lean my back against the tree.
Tears still falling from my face as the voices haven't left, just gotten quieter.

For once it feels okay to be alone and not surrounded by people.
I don't need others to be happy, I'm my own person too, no matter how much I hate myself.

For now it's okay to be me.

I feel the cold breeze against my tear stained face, my cheeks turning bright from the temperature drop.

I put my knees inside my sweatshirt for warmth and lean my head on my shoulder, still back against the tree.

I shut my eyes again, and slowly, calmly drift into a deep slumber.

Sorry it's short