What Comes Next

Chapter 18: Antoinelle

Chapter 18: Antoinelle

War. That's all I could see and all I could hear. Like the fire and the guns facing the ice and the cold, killing at every step; it forced everyone back. At least the fire can lend a safe haven from the destruction after it burns and can eventually start new. The ice just destroys, freezing everything and not allowing something new to begin. Not allowing anything to restart.

The notes in the symphony clashed in my head. There are seconds and sevenths, cymbals, electric guitar, and the calm piano at the end of the storm. The rain falling down and ruining everything but still cleansing what was there. My tears fell to the ground after they streaked down my face.

There's only so much that a girl can handle. I just didn't understand. All of that night was just blurred. Did Leo...Leo... and I actually have a fight? What even happened? I told him everything, or at least almost everything. Maybe this was the world's way of karma for not revealing everything to him. Then he doesn't give back; he keeps everything to his selfish self. But Amber...Sam. It doesn't matter. I wasn't enough for Leo. I understood that now though my heart wanted something else.

This afternoon at the youth center was tough. I had to put on a strong act for the kids, for Patty and Mave, even for the official that was overseeing us. It didn't help that Leo was ignoring me for the past few days. I wanted to confront him about it, like I had to confront him about everything else. But he called me needy. The one word that was plunged into me, twisted around, and pulled out on the other side. He used that word of all words to describe me, knowing how much it would hurt. That's where the karma comes in. You tell someone something, fully (or partly) trusting them but willing to give them everything, and they go and use it against you.

It wasn't really raining outside. There was no fire left inside me, just the ice Leo left inside of me to kill. The funny part, it will really get you laughing, is that it was bright and shiny outside. Cold, but the sun was still there. There were some kids down the street playing in the snow that last night had left. Mother Nature and karma must be the same.

"Why are you crying?" I jumped, turning around to see where the tiny voice was coming from. "You don't look pretty crying. You should stop." Lilac was sitting on the steps behind me and I wondered how I didn't hear her come up from behind. It was weird seeing her without Dani around but I guess there was some freedom around here; she wasn't shackled to her friend's side.

I smiled at her. "It's hard to stop once I'm on a roll you know." Lilac giggled. Then she put on a serious face, well as serious as you can get while being adorable. "Do you still love Leo?" I gasped. Love? I had never even associated the thought with him. I mean, I really had liked him but if one little girl thought so then what did everyone else think? It had only been a few weeks, if you can call it a few. Not even a month yet. Still listening to Christmas carols and decorating the house. Home, as I'd been calling it.

"Because if he loves you he shouldn't have made you cry." Lilac was still talking. I had the sudden urge to tell her everything but a little girl wouldn't understand. Instead, I just grabbed her and hugged her tight, our plushy coats providing a warm cushion between us. Lilac pushed back from me and held out her hands. I looked down and saw an old, beaten, matted down teddy bear. It was losing its golden color and was even looking forlorn, but it was still here.

"Take it." Lilac pursed her lips out in determination. "You need Mr. Happy more than I do." I almost laughed. Mr. Happy certainly didn't look that happy to me. Lilac grinned, satisfied because she thought the bear was already doing its job to cheer me up. "See?" she said. "Mr. Happy belongs to you now." I shook my head but took the bear anyways. Maybe what I needed was a little bit of happiness anyways.