10 things I hate about you - Hotchniss

let go

"Emily!"

Quickly, he made his way to her. Her eyes were filled with pain and he could literally feel how her whole body was aching.

"Can we just leave, please?", she whispered, trying to hold back the tears, that were already filling her eyes.

"Of course", he replied and took her hand, pulling her with him through the crowd.

The walk to his car was filled with silence. Emily knew that he was mad at her, but mostly she felt so stupid for not listening to him. She felt even worse now.

Aaron stopped in front of a small fast-food restaurant: "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

She shook her head: "No, thanks."

"You should really eat something."

"But I'm not hungry."

"Then drink something, at least."

"Fine", she sighed and entered the restaurant as he held the door open.

As they slowly walked back to his car both with a coffee-to-go in their hands, Emily finally decided to break the silence. There was so much on her mind that she had to say, she just didn't know how.

"Thank you", she then said, her voice barely a whisper. "And I have to apologize, too. I shouldn't have left without telling you."

"That's correct", he sighed. "But it doesn't matter anymore, it's too late now anyways."

"Look, Hotch - I'm really sorry, I was so stupid -", she begged, but he cut her off.

"Let's just leave this behind us, okay?"

"Okay", she whispered, looking down.

"What happened tonight?", he then asked, his voice suddenly much softer. "Only if you want to talk about it, of course."

Emily took a deep breath. She owed him, she knew. "I - I had just arrived and Olivia was already waiting for me. Everything was fine, we had fun and it was almost like nothing ever happened. I still remember how good I felt."

"And then?", Aaron arched his eyebrows.

"And then", she sighed. "Jason stood in front of me, all of the sudden. We just stood in front of each other, neither able to move or to say anything. It was like we were frozen. And this pain shot through my body again, everything just hurt. It was him who finally spoke, acting like nothing was wrong between us. I tried, but after some time I just couldn't take it anymore."

He turned his face to look at her. Tears were silently rolling down her cheeks as she kept staring on the ground.

"I was about to leave when I discovered you in the crowd", she continued. "I don't know what I would've done without you here tonight."

They both stopped walking, looking each other in the eyes. Emily was so much smaller than him, her body way too weak and skinny, her eyes tired and broken. Aaron couldn't help but feel deeply, deeply sorry for her.

One hand reached out to touch her arm. "I'm sorry ", he whispered. "I really didn't want this to happen to you after everything that had happened the past few weeks."

A small sob escaped from Emily's lips and the next them the two registered was how she clung to his torso and cried against his chest as he had carefully wrapped his arms around her, holding her.

It confused Emily how well and comfortable she felt in his arms, but she'd probably never tell. It was really weird how her behavior around him had changed. Whereas she used to be cold and mean, she now even showed him her weakest sides.

"It's all going to be okay", he said.

"How do you know that?", she sniffled.

"I know because you are strong and you are going to get over it", he explained. "It might take a while, they are going to be times when you're going to feel like this will never end, but it will, I promise. And one day, you'll wake up and you'll realize that you're over it, that it doesn't hurt anymore. This can't happen in two days, you have to give yourself some time until you realize that you deserve better than Jason."

"Yea, right", she sighed. "Like I deserve 'better'. I'm the most fucked up girl out there."

He loosed his arms around her and made her look into his eyes: "Emily, you deserve someone that keeps fighting for you, no matter how hard it gets. Someone that uplifts you daily and shows you a deeper connection than you've ever felt before. That type of person that doesn't try to change you but instead chooses to help you grow. They motivate you to do better and prove to you how dedicated they are to seeing you succeed."

"Hotch-"

"That's the kind of person and love you deserve and will have one day. Now stop selling yourself short and let this dumb-ass go."

Emily swallowed thickly at his words. Once again, she was speechless. How could someone, who she had been so awful to, see such positive things in her?

Neither of them said a word as they walked the final steps to his car. The tears on her cheeks had dried by then. She was too occupied by her thoughts to cry.

"How do I learn to let go?", she then asked, as he unlocked the vehicle.

"What?"

"You said that I have to let Jason go", she mumbled. "But I suck at letting go, how do you make it look so damn easy?"

"I'm not going to lie", he sighed as they sat in his car. "It's not easy. No, it's probably the hardest shit you'll ever have to face. There's nothing you can do apart from accepting that this person only hurt you and wasn't right for you. One day, you'll understand and be able to let them go."

"Sounds awful."

"It is awful."

Within some minutes, they arrived at the Prentiss' mansion.

"I told your mother that we were seeing a doctor", Hotch explained.

"At night?!"

"Well, we could say that we went to the hospital", he shrugged. "Let's just get you in there without anyone noticing."

"Wait, which sickness do I have?", she smiled, because this question sounded really stupid.

"I told her that you were throwing up heavily", he chuckled. "I should really think of another excuse, I have told her that way too often. We don't want her to think that you are pregnant, do we?"

And by the way her face faltered and she froze, her eyes filling with tears again, he knew he had hit a nerve. Yet, he had no idea why.