10 things I hate about you - Hotchniss

powerless

Aaron inhaled deeply as he stood in front of the door to Emily's room. This was the first time he was on his own since his conversation with Elizabeth Prentiss. Only then he actually realized what had happened.

He had lost his job. Well, he hadn't then, but he'd lose it in the next 24 hours, no matter if he told the ambassadress where Emily had been, or not. This would also be the end of his relationship to Emily. The chances of continuing it without being able to see each other were below one percent. And it was for sure that they wouldn't be able to see each other, especially now that he knew what Elizabeth Prentiss was capable of.

It just all seemed so surreal. Why did he underestimate the ambassadress that much? How could he have even believed that she wouldn't find out about them?

Closing his eyes for a brief second, he tried to get his thoughts straight. He had to focus in order to find the most peaceful end for this situation. He didn't want to play Elizabeth's games, no, he wanted to play on his own terms. He wanted to cause as less pain for Emily as possible.

Emily.

It all broke down in him as he realized that he'd lose her. No matter what, they wouldn't be together in the end. He had never loved someone the way he loved her before, never had such a perfect and imperfect relationship, even with its up's and down's.

And all of the sudden, he felt powerless. Powerless against their fate, powerless against Emily's mother, powerless against everything.

He had to tell her, he knew he had to. And maybe it was even for the best if he did it right then, after celebrating that she made it into the FBI academy.

Taking another deep breath, he carefully opened the door like he always did. Even though there was actually no need of hiding anymore.

"Finally!", Emily grinned as he had closed the door behind him. "I thought you'd never show up."

As he saw her genuine smile and her eyes filled with pure happiness, he knew that he couldn't do it. Not that night. He just couldn't ruin everything for her like that.

"Of course I'd come", he smiled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in a tight hug. "I would never miss seeing my girlfriend after she  accomplished something that amazing."

Emily's smile grew even wider as she rested her head on his chest, enjoying the feeling of being home he gave her by hugging her. That was what he was to her, he was her actual home.

"I'm so proud of you", Aaron said as they let go of each other.

"You better be", Emily grinned as kissed him softly. "But all this would've never worked out without you. You made this possible, and you have know idea how much I love you for that."

He forced himself to smile and quickly kissed her again before she would notice.

Everything in him was screaming, he wanted to tell her, but he just couldn't. It was like every single word was stuck in his throat whenever he just thought about telling her.

"Is everything alright?", Emily asked and only then Aaron realized that she had been watching him.

"Sure, why?", he quickly replied.

"I don't know", she shrugged. "Something is weird. You act weird."

"Oh, no", he shook his head. "I'm just so overwhelmed that everything worked out and you're going to the FBI academy soon. Oh, and I'm a bit tired from the whole work on your mother's party."

"Tired, huh?", she smiled. "I guess I know something to give you some energy again."

"Oh, really? What's that?", he smiled down at her.

"You'll see", Emily whispered and got on her tiptoes in order to place light kisses along his neck as she started to unbutton his shirt. "This is my way of celebrating."

_

Later that night, as they laid tangled in the sheets, Aaron found himself wide awake. Emily was sleeping peacefully in his arms, her head resting on his bare chest.

This would be the last time they'd be together, the last time they'd sleep together, maybe even the very last time they'd talk or see each other. He had no idea what was going to happen after the next day, after his meeting with the ambassadress. The only thing he knew was that he'd be gone when she woke up.

He looked down at he raven hair sprawled across his chest. Emily looked so peaceful and lovely when she slept. Of course she always looked perfect to him, but watching her asleep made him calm down so much. Well, usually it did.

It tore him apart that he'd never get to see this sight again, that he'd probably never calm down that easily again. Nothing would ever fill that hole in his heart, and he just kept hoping that she'd forget him and move on quickly. She deserved to be happy more than anyone.

Aaron laid awake for the whole night, internally hoping that it would never end. Too many thoughts were on his mind. Thoughts considering his meeting with Elizabeth, thoughts concerning Emily, thoughts concerning the future and his career. It was just too much.

As the first shafts of sunlight were visible through the curtains in front of the windows, he knew that it was time to go. For a very last time, he took in the picture in front of his eyes, the picture of Emily.

Carefully, he climbed out of bed, determined not to wake her. When he had finally made it out, he sat down at her desk and looked for a piece of paper and a pen.

And as he kept writing his pages for her, he could just hope that she'd understand one day and move on. He'd be lying if he said that his eyes were completely dry, because they weren't. This time, it was even too much for Aaron Hotchner to take.