10 things I hate about you - Hotchniss

monster

"Okay, what's wrong with you?"

Aaron turned around in surprise, his eyes meeting Emily's, who had just opened the room to her door.

"Er - nothing, why?", he asked innocently.

"I heard how you kept walking up and down the hallway, you idiot", she sighed. "I may not be a profiler, but I can tell that there's something on your mind. Wanna talk about it?"

Little did she know that it was actually she herself on his mind.

"Maybe we should talk about it, yes", he nodded and Emily let him in. She closed the door behind her and jumped on her bed.

"Okay, 007, tell me what's on your mind", she grinned and looked up at him as he sat down at her desk.

"Never call me 007 again."

"I'll call you whatever I want to."

Aaron rolled his eyes and kept his gaze on her. She was wearing simple, grey jogging pants and a top, her wavy hair was falling loosely on her shoulders. This had never happened before, but he kinda got lost in staring at her.

"Hotch?"

"Huh?", he snapped out of his thoughts.

"Stop staring at me", she said. "Tell me."

"Okay", he sighed and took a deep breath. "Last night, when I brought you home, I made a joke about you being pregnant and I recognized how it tensed you. At first I thought that you were pregnant, but I would've noticed that before. I thought of so many scenarios that could explain your reaction, but none really fits. And the fact that I cannot solve something drives me nuts."

Emily didn't reply. Instead, she just looked away. She never wanted to talk about this topic again, she had sworn that to herself.

"I guess you got that wrong", she then sighed. "I just don't like your sense of humor."

"I don't even have a sense of humor", Hotch replied. "And you are a bad liar."

"I'm not lying."

"You are", he furrowed this eyebrows.

"Can't you just accept the fact that you, for once in your life, got something wrong?", she hissed. "You're only human, you make mistakes, too."

"You think that I'm asking you to tell me about it, so I know that I'm right?", Aaron sighed. "That's not the reason. Last night, I saw how much my joke hurt you. There is something that you've buried deep inside yourself, something horrible that still hurts you a lot, I saw it. I'm asking you to tell me about it because I know that nobody in this mansion knows about it and I can promise that it'll be safe with me and you'll feel better afterwards."

There was a short period of silence. He could literally feel how Emily was torn between telling him or pushing him away, and he gave her the time she needed to decide. Finally, she looked up at him again.

"You're not going to judge me?", she whispered.

"No."

"You're not going to see and treat me differently?"

"Absolutely not."

"You're still going to be my friend afterwards?"

"Always."

A small smile formed on his lips as she finally considered as a 'friend'.

"And you're not going to tell anyone?"

"I promise."

Emily took a deep breath and nodded slightly: "Okay. When I was younger, my family moved a lot. We were in so many different countries, I don't even remember all of them. We moved here about two years ago. Being finally able to build up a life here, without moving, was the best thing that had ever happened to me."

She stopped, struggling to find the right words.

"Before moving here, we lived in Italy for a year, I guess. I've always had problems to fit in, I was always the 'new kid'. But when you're a teenager, everything you want is to be accepted, to fit in. Italy was worse than other countries I've lived in before. I would've done everything to fit in, and by everything, I mean everything."

Tears started to fill her eyes, and she looked down so Aaron wouldn't see them.

"I got pregnant", she then whispered. "And there was nobody I could talk to. My mother was the last person I would've told about it. I went to the priest at church, who just told me that if I aborted, I wouldn't be welcomed in any church anymore. But - I just couldn't keep this baby, I - I mean I was only 15 years old."

A small sob escaped her lips, and she quickly pressed them together. The first tears started to roll down her cheeks. God, she hadn't known that talking about it would be so hard.

"What did you do then?", Aaron whispered, his voice filled with so much sadness that he heart shattered into a million pieces.

"I had one friend, his name was Matthew. I told him. He organized a discreet doctor, and I aborted. He even took me to church again.", Emily continued. "I think about it everyday. Sometimes I ask myself if I should have kept the baby and give it free for adoption, but my parents - they would've killed me if they found out. But - I just feel like such a monster, I -"

She couldn't finish the sentence. It was too much. A sharp pain hit her body, a pain much worse than the heartbreak she had suffered from before.

Suddenly, Emily felt how Aaron sat down next to her on the bed, carefully wrapping his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry, Emily", he whispered. "I am so sorry."

She leaned against his chest, crying. This story had been silently haunting for two years, and this was the very first time she had ever talked about it since. Guilt overcame her.

"You're not a monster", Hotch then whispered, softly caressing her upper arm as he held her close. "You were 15, you weren't ready to be a mother yet and you didn't have another choice. You did the right thing."

Slowly, she looked up at him, her eyes red from crying: "Why don't you hate me now? Everyone would call me cruel, irresponsible, selfish -"

"I could never hate you, even if I tried", he cut her off. "And trust me, I have tried harder than anyone else."