White Box [under major construction]

Chapter Seventeen

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Chapter Seventeen

“… You know, you should really eat something.” Dr. Anderson spoke up. I looked down at the tray of food the nurse brought in earlier. It didn’t look appetizing at all. I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning, but looking at food didn’t make me feel hungry at all. Instead, it makes me feel like throwing up. The food looks so bland; it was mushy and easy to digest. And barely requires any chewing to eat, it was almost like baby food.

I feel tired, all I want to do now is sleep. I haven’t even touched my mangas since Dr. Anderson caught me reading it. All I’ve been doing lying on my bed, thinking; waiting for my body to slowly disintegrate due to lack of food, lack of exercise, and lack of emotion.

“… There’s no point in eating.” I replied after a while.

“Don’t be silly, of course there is. It’ll make you feel better.” He replied.

“Why do you care about how I feel?” I answered.

“Because I’m your doctor and-” Dr. Anderson began.

“And it’s your job. Otherwise, you wouldn’t give a damn about me.” I finished for him.

“That isn’t true. I wish you’d stop saying that.” Dr. Anderson looked awkward, he was standing as far away from me as the room will allow. And he would often avoid my gaze, opting to stare out the window instead. I guess that hug yesterday really bothered him. I do feel a little happy, knowing that I can make a grown man act in such a childish way—but at the same time, I don’t feel like it was worth it for all the loneness I’ve been feeling because of it.

I didn’t realize it before, but I really depended on him. Even though I tell that his jokes are stupid and that his cheerfulness is annoying, it wasn’t exactly true. Simply having someone there to be able to reply to something I said, was more helpful than I thought it would be. But now, now I have to suffer the consequences of my actions.

“It is true. If you really cared, you wouldn’t be acting so distant today.” My voice was empty when I replied.

“If you’re talking about why I wasn’t here this morning, it’s because I was busy seeing other patients.” He explained.

“That’s a lie. Before today, you have other patients as well, but you still managed to make time for me. Now you’re just avoiding me, not coming close unless you have to.” I have a feelings I was being awfully childish. He is a doctor and he does have other patients he had to take care of but the side of me that wants to monopolize him wouldn’t accept that as the reason he’s ignoring me.

“Honestly, kid. Look, it’s difficult and you probably won’t understand, but… Ah…” His voice trailed off as he ran his hands through his hair, feeling lost for words.

“Did you know you do that?” I asked him, he looked at me confused, running his hands through his hair another time. “Run your hands through your hair whenever you feel anxious.” His hands immediately dropped back to his sides.

“Ha… I didn’t notice at all. Guess for now on I should call you Sherlock Holmes.” He let out a small laugh, raising his hands probably to run through his hair again, but quickly stopping himself.

“Once you have as much free time as I do, you just start to pick up on small things.” I said.

“Sherlock Holmes was the same; he got bored easily as well.”

“I didn’t know that. I’ve never read the books.” I shrugged.

“You should, they’re quite fun, a bit silly even. Maybe I can lend them to you.” He said with a smile.