It’s Friday, but it feels like Monday. I don’t know if the school alerted my parents of my absence yesterday, but it doesn’t matter anyway, since my parents trust me. Today, we begin to surmise the topics we’ve done during the semester in the lead up to revision week and exams. At least it will be the holidays after exams, so everyone can relax. I have to pay attention in class, but it’s hard when you’re exhausted. I have to hang in until lunchtime, and then I can take a nap.
RING RING RING
The lunch bell jerks me awake, and I curse that I fell asleep. It doesn’t look like we got much work done, though, so it wasn’t a big loss.
I walk to the tree with my sushi, and find Kai there. Wait. Kai? Kai should be at home resting. Not here! That ridiculous boy will never get better if he’s already walking around on the same day he’s discharged. But as I get closer, I notice that the boy under the tree isn’t actually Kai. Realizing this, I make a sharp 180˚ turn, and walk away, but I hear my name.
“TJ!”
I turn around, and see that it’s Luhan under the tree. What’s he doing here? I thought we would be meeting after school?
“Luhan? What are you doing here…?”
“I’m unavailable after school, so I thought I would meet you here. Kai mentioned before that this is where you two meet up.”
“Oh. Ok.”
We stand in silence, and Luhan looks at me. “So…why did you want to meet me..??”
“Oh! Oh! Oh yeah!” I could face palm myself. How humiliating. “Um, here. Thank you for shouting me on Wednesday. It means a lot.” I hold out the $15, and a look of surprise crosses Luhan’s face.
“What? No! No need to repay me! Don’t be silly.” He laughs, but doesn’t make any move to take the money.
“You have to. I’d feel terrible if you don’t.”
“I don’t really want it.”
“…Well, if you aren’t going to take it, can I repay you some other way?” Luhan’s face turn pensive and then he smiles brightly.
“Yeah! Give me a hug.” He holds out his arms.
Is he serious? He doesn’t know the effect he has on me, and I did say I would stop interacting with him. I feel like I’m betraying Kai if I do this.
“..I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable…”
“It’s ok. It’s just a hug, right?”
I don’t want to appear like a bad person, so I step forward and wrap my arms around him. He brings down his arms around me, and I can’t help but notice how the heat of his body envelops me instantly. If I stay here much longer, I’m surely going to do something irresponsible, so I pull away and Luhan releases me. I see something from the corner of my eye, but when I turn my head, there’s no one there. I guess it was just my imagination. My heart is going crazy from being so close to Luhan, and I suddenly feel so cold. Why?! It’s so frustrating that I’m having these feelings. It feels so wrong, yet I can’t help but yearn for him.
The passion of lust is incomparable to any other.
Oh shut up.
“So is that all you wanted from me?” Luhan says.
“Yeah. I just wanted to return your money, but… yeah..”
“Ok! I’ll get going.” Luhan flashes me a charismatic grin, sending my heart into another frenzy. He climbs the fence, and I watch his retreating figure before sitting down to eat my lunch.
After school, I don’t really feel like going home. And since it’s a Friday, I make my way to Kai’s house. I feel dirty about hugging Luhan and feeling so good about it. I hate myself, and I think it’s time I told Kai. It doesn’t take long to reach his house, since it’s only a 15-minute walk from my own. Kai’s window faces out to the front yard, and his curtains are open but his window is not. I can’t see him through the window, but maybe he’s somewhere else.
I push the doorbell and suddenly my stomach erupts in butterflies. I don’t want to tell him, but maybe I should. The door opens, and Kai stands there in just his shorts. I can see his well-defined body and my cheeks turn bright red. This makes things even harder.
“Hey. How are you? Is your head better?” I say. Kai steps backwards and I walk into the house.
“Yeah.” His voice was unusually cold, almost as if he was angry. In all the time I had known him, I had never seen Kai angry. I think it’s a bad time to bring up Luhan.
“Uhh, what did you do today?” I have to be cautious with what I say.
“Nothing.” We both stand awkwardly in the hallway.
“Ok…Um, did you eat?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you take your medicine?”
“Yeah.”
“Is something the matter?” I’m suddenly desperate to know what’s bothering him, and why shouldn’t I be?
“Yeah, actually. There is.” He turns around to look at me. “You.” I’m taken aback by what he’s said.
“W-what did I do?”
“Don’t act innocent, TJ! You know what you did!” My stomach drops.
“What?”
“Cut the crap! I can’t believe you hugged him! You hesitated, but you STILL hugged him!” Kai saw that? A million things are whizzing around in my head, but the biggest of them is the single thought. Kai saw that? How?
“I did it to repay him for the food he bought me on Wednesday! When I was worried sick about you! He comforted me so I repaid him! What’s wrong with that?!”
“Everything is wrong with it! You hugged MY friend! You were INTIMATE with MY friend! Were you even planning on telling me?!”
“I hugged your friend as a return fee! Listen to me! It didn’t mean anything!” I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I couldn’t let them fall.
“You think crying is going to make me feel sorry for you?! Think again, you skank!” His insult hit me hard, but before I could say something in my defence, he continued in a softer voice. “Why don’t you go ask Luhan to comfort you again?”
Even though his voice was quiet, it crushed me that he said that. I turned around, and opened the door.
“I didn’t-“
“I don’t care. Leave. Don’t come back. We’re done.”
