Obedient School |D•L

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"Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine, but I wish I was dead."
Mercedes P.O.V

Day 200.

Everything about this room was painful. There was no heat-just cold, no light- just darkness and no sense of time. It was almost as if I was going numb; the only thing reminding me that I was still alive was the painful hunger that roared within me.

I had no idea how long I'd been in here, but I'd only been slid a tray of food once and it smelled like molded cheese. They occasionally would come down and open the door to toss me water, i guess they're only focus is the necessities.

  I sat in the excruciatingly loud silence, submerged in absolute darkness as the beautiful memories I had made with Derek continued to surface.

He was the one, the one person in my life that I actually loved. The one person in my life that I genuinely cared for, that I would kill for.

Yet he turned his back on me and sent me here, he didn't fight for me like I would've fought for him. He didn't defend me like I would've defended him. He did nothing but send me away to what felt like an eternity of horror.

In my time down here I've began to realize that I wouldn't be getting out. I wouldn't be able to finesse my way out of here like I thought I could. This place was a hell hole and like Ana said "nobody gets out".

I've tried to make peace with this situation, I tried to convince myself that karma had finally caught up to me and this is what I deserved. This was my punishment for all the fucked up shit I've done in my life. I tried to tell myself that I would die here, and that it would be okay.

But in the very back of my head there's a voice telling me that none of this is okay. That I would get out and that nobody deserves to be down here.

The thought of killing myself crossed my mind thousands of times since I've been here. I told myself that as soon as I was let out of this room I'd take my favorite piece of glass and slit my wrist open. I told myself that I'd bleed out and happiness would wash over me because my soul would finally be set free. I forced myself to believe that if I've been here then nothing- not even the flames of Satan's palace could scare me now.

But something deep within me wouldn't allow me to give up that easily. Something within me wouldn't allow me to stop fighting, something kept telling me I was getting out. And that small tiny voice was the only thing keeping me intact.

I wanted to cry and scream but I ran out along time ago, now I was just left with the feeling of being empty. My eyes soon began to feel heavy as allowed sleep to take over me and bring me to nirvana.

My dreams only ever took me back to Derek, and his warm body. In a state of complete anguish the one thing that kept my heart beating was his arms around me, pulling me in close and telling me everything was going to be alright. Even if it was just in a dream.

I'm brought back to that night we shared together, when all we did was smoke and talk. I remember the way he opened up to me and showed me his scars. I remember the feeling of safety, happiness, peace and adoration that filled me. Everything about him was so beautiful to me, and I wanted nothing more than to hold him close to my heart and to cherish this moment forever.