From time to time I started to realise how much I have disappeared. On the other hand I discovered a new person in myself who comes clear about her ambitions. We can easily tell of each other that we're "under control" when it comes to seriousness. But who has the control to fully balance his life with its ups and downs in a matter of time? Not even in a brief moment we are keen enough to take responsibility of our true self. Because we are a reflection of the person we want to be when we're around friends, family, colleagues. To suddenly stay focused on who we really are in that particular kind of moment would set our whole world upside down. Have you ever thought about drowning? (Not in a literal way) but in a way that brings us to the edge of our sensitivity and our happiness.
Sometimes I am drowning so much in my feelings that I have no more words to write down. So I become inhibited. It prevents me so I can no longer proceed on writing or even on thinking clearly. And that sets me right to the beginning again. Who have I become? Who do you become when you're drowning? And how often does it occur to us?
Then and now I find myself uncontrollably distracting from things I should have a focus on. I believe there is fear, unhappiness, impatience and a lot more feelings we are all unaware (and some of them aware) of that become our greatest enemy of the things we so much love and desire to do.
That's what makes me decide I don't want to disappear anymore. And I think you shouldn't either. If we were all ruled by ourselves and not by our reflections, wouldn't things be seen easier?
