better man/worse than nicotine » arthur ketch

eleven: of course, we knew.

Eileen spends the night, which means she and I stay up in the library until who knows what hour, just talking.

She still has the biggest of crushes on Sam. I tell her to maybe start hinting at it a little to see if he'll get the picture, but she said she's tried. I even offer to spill the beans to Sam myself, but she laughs and shoves me away, telling me, "Don't you dare." I tell her I won't.

But boy, would I love to. These two are making me sick.

She asks me a little more about my boyfriend – which it takes me a moment to realize who she is talking about. Ketch and I haven't talked about our relationship status, per say. I know we're exclusive, I guess, but we haven't put a label to it.

I decide to tell her that and ask for some advice as to what to do about it. Not that I can exactly talk about something like this with Ketch. He probably doesn't care and we're not a normal couple, if it wasn't noticeable already.

I just...want to talk about boys for a moment. I never got to do this before. Claire was never one to want to talk about anything other than hunting, and Jody was always busy worrying about Claire. I was never close with Alex. I never saw the three of them all that much, really. Minus the three-year period when I stayed with them, but that wasn't anything special.

I miss them. Yes, even Claire and Alex. Despite me not being close to them, I still miss having someone around my age. I still have them beat by three years – I think – but that's close enough.

I tell Eileen how I have to have my boyfriend's name in my phone as No One because of Dean. Not that I'm worried of him snooping, but more because if I happen to leave my phone somewhere and a text comes through, then he might see it. I tell her I hope it'll make him laugh, if he ever does see it.

She presses for his real name, of course, but I can't bring myself to tell her. Again, I'm not sure she totally knows who the British Men of Letters are, but I can't risk letting his name slip and her knowing exactly who he is.

I don't think she would tell Sam or Dean, but if she's like them and doesn't like the British Men of Letters, she might tell.

I wish I didn't have to do this. The more I talk to her about him the more I wish I could bring him here, show him off to Sam and Dean, have them approve of him, take him out to dinner with my brothers, have them tease him endlessly about how he's treating me.

But I won't. That's just...not our relationship, I guess.

Eileen retires to bed around two in the morning. I tell her I'll be right behind her.

But I decide to stay in the library for a bit. I grab my book and go sit by the globe, in the corner by the lamp. It's my favorite place to read, probably why I have so much of my stuff sitting over here.

I fish my phone out of my back pocket, having a weird feeling that I need to check it. And sure enough, there's a text from Ketch.

>No One: You never called, love.

I almost roll my eyes.

>Apologies. Eileen and I got carried away talking.

His response is almost immediate, despite his first text being sent half an hour ago.

>No One: Eileen?

I'm surprised he hasn't called me yet.

>A friend. We talked about girl stuff