The Two of Us

Welcome to My Humble Abode

"So, did you just like...shower with the bowl on your head?"

"Yep!"

"Oh my god."

It was Friday. Remember how I said earlier that Eddie was planning on gluing a bowl to his head after school on Thursday? Well, he did it. And the damn thing wouldn't come off so he went to school with it on his head.

Leslie got a look at him during lunch and laughed so fucking hard that grape juice came out of her nose and it sprayed all over Fallon, which in itself, was also pretty funny.

After she had finished mopping off her face, she stuck a sticker on the bowl that said, 'I'll let you touch my nipples for a nickel' which really just improved the whole look, I think.

"You know, Eddie, I don't mind you trying to glue bowls to your head, but I really wish that you wouldn't use my good bowls," Dad said from the couch.

"Sorry, Dad!"

My phone vibrated in my pocket multiple times.

I could only assume it was Leslie since she liked to text a few words at a time in rapid succession.

Lolbit: "Hey dude"

Lolbit: "We r comin 2 ur house"

Lolbit: "And by we"

Lolbit: "I mean me & spider woman"

Lolbit: "Obviously"

Lolbit: "We r comin 2 rob u"

Lolbit: "So prepare ur valuables"

It was the day that Blair and Leslie were supposed to come over to work on Fitzgerald's project. I guess that was Leslie's way of letting me know that they were on their way.

"Okay, I'll get on that."

Lolbit: "Good"

Dad leaned over my shoulder and nonchalantly read my messages.

"Your friends are on their way?"

"I'd tell you, but I think you already know since you just read my messages."

"You can't prove that."

"Dad, you were literally leaning so far to look over my shoulder that you looked like you were going to fall off the couch."

He scoffed, "I was stretching."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Literally nobody stretches like that."

He paused for a moment before repeating, "You can't prove that."

I threw my hands up in defeat. Whenever my dad wanted to win an argument, no matter what level of serious or stupid it was, he'd follow up whatever you've said with, "prove it" and you usually can't, so...

"Well, ya got me there. I really can't. Guess you win. Chalk another one up for Dad."

"Yeah, that's right. I win. Because —"

Before he could really get into his victory monologue, the doorbell rang. And the very moment it did, he leaped off the couch and ran for the door. 

"I've got it!"

I hadn't seen my dad move that fast in... Actually, don't think I had ever seen him move that fast before. It was kinda scary, to be honest.

He practically flung the door open.