The Two of Us

Broken Fingers and a Taste of Everything Unholy

"Dude, dude, and then she starts looking even more pissed off. He leans over a bit to get closer to her face, and..." Leslie paused for dramatic effect before bringing her fist into her palm, "bam! She fucking clocked him right in his stupid fucking face!"

Would you believe me if I told you this was not the first time that Leslie had recounted this story to Freddy, Bon-Bon, and Fallon? And that despite the fact they had already heard it twice, they were still equally enthralled the third time they were hearing it?

"AND TH-TH-TH... AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED??"

"He stumbles back looking completely aghast and he goes, 'what the hell?!'"

Our final class had ended not too long ago and we were all walking over to my house. Without any teachers or faculty nearby, Leslie was really getting into the theatrics of the story. 

I ended up earning myself detention after school for an entire week for punching that jackass in the face (and Leslie got two for threatening to kick his teeth in and shoving him), but whatever.

Yeah, it sucked and it's understandable why I got them, but if I could go back in time to try and stop myself, I think I'd actually just join my past self and punch him again.

"I feel like this story isn't worth getting this crazy over three times in a row."

"Baby, my guy, you don't understand what you've done. Like, I wish that I recorded that so I could put it into a compilation of extremely satisfying videos."

"I don't typically condone getting physically violent with people like that, but that was admittedly...a bit satisfying to see."

"See? Even Blair agrees." Leslie poked her. And then, suddenly, she shoved her hand into her pocket. "Oh my god!"

"What's wrong?"

"Blair, I need you to look at me for a second."

She turned to look at Leslie.

Leslie put a sticker on her forehead. 

"I nearly forgot to do that."

"Somebody please tell me what's on the sticker. Because if it's another one that says, 'Pornhub' on it we're gonna have a problem."

"It says... 'I think Riley Baby Tenner is really neat'," Fallon squinted a bit, "and then it says, 'because she's my girlfriend' in really small font underneath it."

"Oh. Nevermind then. I have no qualms with that. "

"Excuse me," I piped up. "How did you know that Baby is my middle name? I've never told you. Also, I know that your stickers weirdly apply to the current situation a lot of the time, but what the hell?"

"The Supreme Overlord knows all. And I made that one special just for this occasion, my dude."

"Of course you did."

"I actually made one for you too, I just wanted to wait until you were both together to give it to you." Leslie reached past Blair and slapped it onto my front.

It said the exact same thing. But of course, instead of my name, it had 'Blair Marielle Danz' printed onto it.

"Wow."

"You're welcome."

We were quickly approaching the house.

My dad wasn't home, but my brother was. Something that was immediately obvious upon seeing his truck parked diagonally in the driveway.

...and on part of the lawn.

After spending far too long finding my keys, I opened the front door and we were all greeted with the sound of a blender running.