The Two of Us

Shaken Up

I walked to my first hour class faster than I ever had before.

Partially because I didn't want to be late, and partially because I wanted to ramble to Leslie about what had just happened.

I made it into class moments before the bell sounded, throwing my backpack to the floor and taking my seat at the table in the back.

As soon as Mr. Schmidt finished giving us instructions in his monotone ass voice and passing out worksheets, my opportunity to ramble came along.

Leslie turned to me with a curious look on her face. "Yo dude, is there a reason you're grinning like an idiot right now? 'Cause you normally look dead when you come into this class."

I suppose that I was still a bit too overly happy and excited or whatever because I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "There is a reason, but you have to guess what it is!"

She had to push her glasses back up her face since they started to slip down when I was attempting to give her whiplash. "Uh, let's see...does it, by any chance, have to do with a girl? Y'know, one who's like, 5'10", has blue hair, and constantly wears chokers?"

"It might."

"You finally told her, didn't ya?"

I nodded.

"And? How did it go?"Her tone suggested that she already knew because it was kinda fucking obvious.

"We're girlfriends now!" I shook her again.

"Nice, man!"

Leslie asked for more details. 

Of course, I was happy to recount everything, shaking her once more towards the end.

"See, I told you it'd go well, ya loser." She fixed her glasses again and gave me a light shove.

"Okay, okay, you were right, Supreme Overlord." I swatted her hand away. "Also, since when do you wear glasses? You look like emo Harry Potter."

Leslie snorted. Hard. "Alright, three things. First off, fuck you. Blair wears glasses and you call her cute, but when I wear them you call me emo Harry Potter? Disrespectful. Second, if you're gonna call me something dumb, I'd prefer it to be Leslie Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Third, I've needed them since like, fifth grade. But I prefer contacts."

"Ohh, if you think back to sophomore year before you started bleaching your hair, you actually kind of looked like the emo child of Harry and Ron," Bon-Bon piped up. "Y'know, because you're naturally a ginger—"

She cut him off, "If you ever say the words, 'emo child of Harry and Ron' or anything even remotely resembling them ever again, I will shove you into the fake pot of flowers on the desk, my guy."

Bon-Bon turned to look at Freddy.

"BON-BON, DON'T S-SAY IT! Y-YOU KNOW TH-TH-TH... YOU KNOW TH-THAT SHE'LL A-ACTUALLY DO IT!"

There was a short pause.

"The emo child of Harry Potter and Ronald Weasly."

Leslie shoved the puppet into the fake pot of flowers on the desk.

"Fuck."

"I WARNED Y-Y-YOU."

"Anyway, enough of that. Back to what we were talking about before." Leslie leaned in a little and lowered her voice. "You want to know a little secret, my guy?"

"I don't know if I do, but your stare is making me uncomfortable so I'm just gonna say yes."

"I knew that Blair liked you."

"What? You did?"

"Yeah, that's why I was so insistent on you asking her out. I would've just straight up told you, but I figured it'd be better if you could work up the courage to do it without knowing." She shrugged.

"How long have you known?"

"Since Halloween. She told me while you were busy trying to drag your brother inside."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, man. I think I literally made a fucking joke about how she had a crush on Michael Myers while you walked back in dressed as discount Michael, but you didn't catch it."

"Holy shit, you did," I said in realization. "I'm so upset."

"Yo, don't be upset. Here," Leslie reached into her backpack. "I know what will make you feel better."

Can you guess what she pulled out?

If you guessed it was one of those dumb gold star stickers, you'd be right.

And if you guessed it was a copy of The Definitive Guide to Collecting Sponges, you'd be wrong.

Also, why the hell would you guess that?

She slapped the sticker onto my shoulder.

'Purr-fect.'

"Eh. This sticker really isn't to the same caliber of your other ones."

"Ew, you're right. That one blows."

She slapped another on top of it.

'I have more than one brain cell.'

"That one's better. Thanks."

"No problemo."

"CAN I H-HAVE ONE TOO?"

"Sure, Fred."

It went straight onto Freddy's sweater vest.

'I'd have a tea party with rats.'

"Is that a reference to something?" I asked.

"Don't think so," Leslie said. "Oh, I just found a really good one. I'm gonna stick it on Blair's forehead the next time I see her."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate that."