fansign | wanna one ✓

fifty three.

the day of the press conference came and i have never felt more anxious and nervous in my lifetime. i'm even more nervous than when we were recording produce 101. instead of a constant bugging in my chest, this time it was almost like harsh drag in my head and a persistent burden of not being able to say the right words.

in this case, i was ready to risk it all. if i had to reveal the truth about me and hwayoung, or my deepest feelings about her and the situation ahead of us, i would. i would rather sacrifice my own image just so she could live in peace, just for her, and for the truth.

it made me wonder, why is it that when it came to her, i always end up being the one sacrificing? is it because of my guilt? is it because i've missed numerous chances to sacrifice for her in the past, or was it something else?

' it's because of love, jihoon. love knows no selfishness. it is all- sacrificing, and only consists of the truth. once you've learned how to love, there will be no doubts in your mind. the feeling will not fool you.'

i took out the letter from my pocket, unfolding it carefully. some of the ink was smudged because of the tears i shed from reading it the first time.

the tiny voice in my head was right, and now i know that it was from the beginning. this, this feeling that i was feeling right now, the feeling of always wanting to be with her, to be the reason why she's smiling, the feeling of jealousy when she looked at another man, the way she would plant flowers inside of my stomach, as i slowly felt them bloom. it was all right. i love her, i never stopped doing so.

and that was another regret. not realizing how much i needed her in my life. i thought that if i gave away a little bit of my heart as time passed by, the feeling would subside but it only seemed to get stronger. i thought that if i made way for other people to knock on her heart, it would finally make me happy, i really thought that letting her go was an option.

but it wasn't. and sorry to say, i think i have gotten greedy. if she comes back, please know that my heart is wide open, just for her. know that i spent quite awhile, keeping these feelings in. know that whenever she smiles or glances at you, i would always wish i was the owner of those smiles. know that this time around, i will be selfish when it comes to her attention.

know that i want my world back.