Tour Photographer - Shawn Mendes Fanfiction

- » silent tear

POV Ally

I closed the Twitter app, locked my phone and threw it across my bed. The first tear left my eye and rolled silently over my face. Actually, I swore I'd never shed a tear about Shawn again. There were already seven months in which I had not spoken a word to him and still I suffered from it.

Every day I waited for the news that they moved in together or even got engaged. After all the reports like Ariana and her boyfriend moved in together or Justin and Hailey are now engaged, nothing surprises me anymore.

Losing your best friend over another woman after he confessed his love can make you suffer for a long time. Ever since this happened, I have been questioning myself and my existence. I always have the feeling that I am not good enough because he could quickly replace me. Apparently he had even found his true love, although he swore to love and worship me. 

I never could have thought of losing Shawn for such a stupid reason. I had acted selfishly because I was not prepared to get back into a relationship. My career, my reputation and my business were too important for me to react with a clear head. This was my price. I blocked off every guy who wanted to get too close because I was scared. Scared of making stupid decisions again and being replaced.

Maybe I should have contacted Shawn. After all, it was my fault. It's my fault we don't have a future together. That we might never talk to each other again and that just because this Christy is the replacement.

Another mistake I made was to consider Christy a replacement. Maybe I was just the mistake in Shawn's life that he has now corrected. No one but him will know what was going on when Christy ran into him.

All I can imagine is that she can't be that great. She smokes more often and not only cigarettes, drinks weekly and lives a typical rebel life. It always occurs to me after such thoughts that people from outside might not think of me as better. There must be something special about Christy that Shawn raves about her and not me.

Of course, once again I sank into a sea of thoughts that occupied me every day. I often lie in the darkened room, read articles and think about it. One of the stupidest decisions, but somehow it helps me and calms me down.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, my toes gently touched the carpet of my room. In small steps I walked towards the living room to walk onto the balcony that adjoined it. The concrete floor of the balcony was cold and was warmed up a little by my body heat.

Take a deep breath. Tomorrow's another day. 

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author's note: 
Finally I decided to write something and publish it. I know it's really
bad but I was in the mood to write a little more. 

xoxo Lara