Tour Photographer - Shawn Mendes Fanfiction

- » don't say you're..

Finally I was back in Canada and could switch off. But what I didn't know was that Shawn had the same intention. So now I was in Canada while Shawn was out there somewhere or in his condo.

Tired I fell into my bed and lost myself again in my ocean of thoughts. It had been several weeks since the hook up with Shawn and since he broke up with his girlfriend. He and I still haven't talked about our misconduct. This had to change.

ally:
Shawn.. we really need to talk about THE night

shawn:
ik you're @ home, right?

ally:
yes i am

shawn: 
Okay, I'll pick you up and then we'll go to my place.

ally: 
Why are we going to your place?

shawn:
I just thought we could talk in peace without your family
disturbing us. There are a lot of things we need to talk about. 

ally:
okay.. pick me up at 6pm

shawn:
x

Sighing, I put my phone next to me and laid my hands on my stomach. Everything felt so weird lately. I wasn't sure if I still loved Shawn or if I only liked him as a friend. Far too many emotions flow through me when I see him or when he comes in touch with me. 

Shawn and I lived a few miles apart, so it took him a while to get to my door. Everything that had happened in the last weeks, I could not realize so far. The ringing of the front door ripped me out of my conversations, which I was already having in my head. As always, I feared the worst, after all, there is a lot to tell. 

I left my room, shouted a " Bye ", put on my boots and slipped my jacket over my body. I rushed down the creaking stairs, pressed open the heavy wooden door and felt the colder wind blowing over my face. Shawn was already standing outside in the driveway leaning casually against his black jeep.

a few steps before him I stopped, didn't know exactly how to greet him now. We had our own handshake, most of the time we hugged each other, kissed or just said "hi".

"Shy or what?" Shawn laughed. Damn how I missed that laugh. 

"I just don't know how to say hello," I laughed nervously in reply.

"Just come here, silly," he spread his arms in a matter of seconds and I let him squeeze me.

Shortly afterwards we found ourselves in his jeep. A gentleman such as Shawn, he gave me the AUX cable. I rubbed my hands together silently to make it less obvious how much I trembled. I wasn't so nervous even the day I first met Shawn. 

"What did you want to talk about?" Shawn broke the silence.

"About the one night... you know," I was clearly embarrassed.

"What about that?"

Blood got into my head, my hands started sweating, and my gaze stuck to my toes. I didn't know exactly what to say. Whether I should say directly what was going on or whether I should talk around it. 

"Shawn..." my voice broke and I felt like I couldn't say a word.

"Ally... don't say you're...", his index finger rose a little off the wheel.

I could feel my tears coming up again. To this day I hadn't really realized what had happened that night. But now, when I'm sitting in that car with Shawn, everything becomes clear to me again.

"But I am", it was more a whisper that fled my mouth.

The car stopped in a driveway and Shawn was still staring forward, looking at the white house wall in front of us. His silence and reaction gave me a dull feeling in my stomach. I thought he would tell me any moment I should get out of the car and leave again. I thought he would say I ruined his life now...

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a/n
Sooooo... I really took a long time to finally write and publish this..