I'm always afraid of writing things in detail about Jared on here because I fear he'll see them. I highly doubt he will, but I don't know, I always have the feeling he might.
I wrote a poem recently, and it's really dumb, but I think it kind of captures the whole Jared situation, only about how I think he views me though. The rhyme scheme sucks, and it's not my best, but I've decided to share it.
"Fearful is what I am.
I fear you'll never see me,
As I do you.
I fear you'll always look past me.
I'm transparent.
I'm Invisible.
In your eyes, I'm useless.
Ugly.
Unwanted.
Why?
All because I am not an easy task.
I would love to have someone,
Someone I can rely on.
Someone I can call mine.
Loneliness kills me.
But I know I'll live on.
They say one day you'll see.
You'll see everything you missed out on.
However I'm fearful that that day will never come.
Invisible is what I am. And invisible is what I'll always be."
-S.C.
To be completely honest, I keep dreaming about Jared. I keep falling asleep thinking about what we'll talk about at my party, and how we're going to act around each other. I want it to be casual, but I want to know if there's a connection or not. By the looks of it, it seems like there will be one, but I'm not so sure. He's super shy, and I'm not sure if he's easy to read. I'm pretty good at reading people upon meeting them, but he's one person I haven't been able to figure out. Maybe it's because of the fact that I like him and every time I see him, I'm entranced, but that may not even be the case. He's got his guard up, clearly. I want to know him though. I need to. I keep imagining us together, and ugh, we'd be so cute. I don't really see myself with any other person right now. I know people don't usually end up being with their first love forever, but I don't care if I get my heart broken by him. It's better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all!
