Don't forget about me. // Joshler

School bullies

I didn't get any sleep that night. More thoughts were circling my head. There were these voices telling me to do things. I tried to ignore them. It was hard. Luckily I left my razor blades in the bathroom. There was no sharp enough objects to cut. 

I got showered and wore my usual black shirt, black hoodie and black sweat pants. I have a dark grey version of that but it is only for emergencies. I picked up my bag and ran down the stairs and left. I waited for Josh by the same street lamp that I climb to get to his window. Josh arrived 10 minutes later.

"Hey Ty my best fren," Josh said. 

He gave me a bro hug. 

"Hey Jish," I replied miserably.

Josh gave me that concerned look. The look where one eye brow is raised. I knew what he was thinking - I'm not stupid.

"What's up?" Josh asked.

I had walked in absolute silence and had just let Josh talk to me. His voice is very soft and pleasing. It's like getting a bedtime story read when I was younger.

"Oh, nothing." I squeaked.

I can't talk about my feelings very well. It comes out  squeaky and horrible. Not that I even like my voice anyways. Therefore, I usually don't speak about them. Josh knows about the voices. He knows how to stop my panic attacks too.

"You sure?" Josh asked.

I nodded.
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We were at school by now. I hurried to my class before anyone could see me. Josh had gone his separate way of course. I had math first. Possibly one of the worst classes I am in; all because I have to sit directly in front of some of Pete's younger friends. Most of Pete's friends are in the same class's as Josh but it doesn't stop him bullying me. 

Unfortunately for me, we had to do team work. Something that usually gives me major panic attacks. Once I had such a big panic attack that the school nurse had to come and so did Josh. Everyone called me 'fake' and 'an attention seeker' for that though. Some people don't understand me. Everyone other than Josh.

"Alright everyone, choose a team of 4 and make sure you choose people you will be sensible with." Mr Dunning said.

Everyone jumped out of their seats and started huddling around who they wanted to be with. Everyone other than me. I stayed where I was put, attempting to not panic. I was shaking a little

"Everyone in a group?" Mr Dunning asked.

I don't partially like Mr Dunning. He is very strict and doesn't care about the fact some of us have zero friends and much rather work on their own. Let alone, some of us just want to kill ourselves. Like me in this current situation.

"Sir, Tyler isn't" someone called out.

"Right who is in a group of three?"

I heard one group moan.

"There you are Tyler, that group. If you used common sense and got off your chair, you wouldn't have the whole class looking at you!"

It was true. Many people were snickering at me and defiantly everyone had their eyes on me. I slummed off my chair and headed to the group. This contained the biggest bullies in my form- Joe, Ryan and Jon. They are honestly not as bad compared to Pete. But they are defiantly big f*ckboys.

"Oh is little Tyler going to throw a little tamper tantrum,ahem, panic attack just to get out of team work?" Joe said.

I shook my head.

"He would. Just to be by Josh. He's a slut for him." Ryan chuckled.

"Says you. You're the biggest slut for Brendon." Jon replied.

"I'm sorry that I have a boyfriend!" Ryan said.

The three bickered between themselves throughout the whole lesson and left the whole work to myself. They ignored me most of the time luckily but one of them would flick me or pinch me every so often. I placed my headphones in to listen to a song by The Killers. 

-------

It was soon break time. I sat by the bench Josh and I always sit by and waited for Josh to arrive. Josh seemed to take forever. I saw Pete's gang and Pete himself. Pete, Brendon and Frank started walking towards me.

"Oi gay lord," Pete yelled. 

I rolled my eyes.

"You look very lonely without your little Joshy."

It was like he was hinting that I took 'his Josh'.

"Do you want some company? We can give you so great company."

I went to speak but nothing came out. It was too late now. All three of them had came up to me and had started pinching me. Frank started going through my bag. Spitting into my water bottle and opening my food and stepping on it. Brendon's hand was up my trouser leg and began indenting his nails into my skin pretty hard. 

"Guys stop it!" said an unfamiliar voice.

It was a guy called Patrick. He and Pete used to go out with each other. The three of them had ran off by now. Patrick came and sat next to me.

"You okay?"

I shook my head and brought my knees up to it. I started shaking and panicking really badly. Tears fell down my face. I couldn't breathe properly.

"Breath through your nose and out through your mouth. Slowly now. It will be alright." 

Patrick's voice was very comforting. 

"I will find Josh."

He got up and left me. I was alone again. I was terrified that Pete and his friends would gang up on me again. They seemed pretty scared of Patrick. Patrick is one of those innocent souls who is in my grade. Sadly, I'm only in a few classes with him and maths definitely wasn't one.

Josh never came. Patrick didn't return either.  I started to grow extremely worried. Did he get an iso? Did he go home ill? Is he ignoring me?.