You're Mine

Chapter 23: Anytime

     "I didn't know he had a son."

     I couldn't count how many times those words were spoken by the people who came to the funeral. Although I was frustrated with our conversation, I really felt bad for Billy.

     The people who came were mostly his colleagues from work or neighbors. It was a bit disturbing to see how people were talking and occasionally smiling. It was like a cocktail party that didn't serve alcoholic drinks, and it made me angry.

     I was standing by my mother, who was completely lost by seeing her husband's lifeless body for the first time after having a heart attack.

     Liz persuaded Billy to stay with the family, but he didn't want to at first. I think he was just too exhausted to continue to resist.

     My stepfather looked stiff and almost unrecognizable. It was terrible to watch him lie there and recall the moment when my father died.

     Billy didn't even want to go near the body or look at him. He was just standing like a robot. He was shaking people's hands while Liz answered in his name when people repeated the same words.

     "I'm sorry for your loss."

     Billy looked like he would break, and I felt like I was the only one who knew that.

     At some point I had to go to the toilet, so I told my mother that I would come back soon. I couldn't find a toilet and eventually I went outside, and sat on one bench, where there was no one. Escape from a crowd of people it was a relief.

     I was surprised when I saw Billy sitting on one of the benches. His elbows were on his knees, holding his head with his hands.

     As he lowered his arms, he was still looking at the floor. His ears were red, his back rising and falling as he was breathing heavily.

     It was a personal moment, and I unintentionally became an intruder. It may have been a break, I had previously noticed on his face. And I didn't want him to see me.

    The trouble was that I had to pass by him to get back there.

     Even though I was angry at him from before, I was overwhelmed by the need to comfort him, but I knew that after what he told me, that's not my place to do.

     So I walked slowly beside him and shivered when I heard his voice. "Wait!"

     "I have to go back. My mom needs me."

     "Give me a few minutes."

     I came to him and sat beside him on the bench. I couldn't have noticed the warmth of his leg pressed against mine.

     "Are you okay?", I asked.

     He looked at me and shook his head. Pushing the urge to hug him, I lowered my arms to my lap. It's not my place.

     And then I sensed every part of the body when he lowered her palm to my knee. That one movement has undermined all the progress that I have achieved in hours past our conversation in the garden.

     "What I told you before...I'm sorry.", he said.

     "What do you mean?"

     "I mean everything. I don't know how to deal with this...with my father... with you...with all this. All this is unreal. As I traveled here, I prayed that with some miracle I wouldn't see you."