I encounter conflicts when meeting new people. I wasn't the 'friendly and jolly' type. The girl I had met before (month of July) asked when I told her I'm bisexual, "Kinakaya mong makipagrelasyon sa kapwa mo babae?" later on decide for what she thought I'm capable of, "well, surely you will not make it by the end of the month. Nobody would even like you once they found out that you're gay." Dude, time just flew fast by which they didn't found out. I did it for two consecutive years, senior high school.
People do suck. They tend to judge others immediately pero ni sarili nila mismo maling-mali na. Hindi nila maintindi sarili nila because they're too focused on judging a person's flaw.
My parents has nothing to do with it because it's fine with them. They never judged me, the way most people nowadays do. "One of the scariest things about being who you really are, is finding out if the ones you love are still around after." Right. I just quoted my favorite line of Alex, the protagonist of the movie I had watched three times already. Nakakatawa, I thought again for sad truths that would surely hurt someone. Buti nalang at wala akong nasabihan, verbally.
Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa class schedule na kinuha ko kanina. Great. I only have five days left to enjoy my vacation. Iwinaksi ko sa kama ang papel at humiga. I was about to take a nap when my phone vibrated which keeps on ringing, and I got no choice but fish it out from my pocket. Napangiwi ako nang makita ang pangalang nakaimprinta sa screen. It was my ex. Ano nanamang kailangan nito?
"I'm sorry."
Napataas ang kilay ko and said,
"Been telling me that for half a month. Purga na ako."
"I was drunk and it was him who kissed me, Alexis."
Napatawa ako nang pagak habang naririnig ang paliwanag niya.
"Pang-ilang beses mo na bang sinabi sakin yan?" Saad ko.
"Because you never listen! Lagi nalang ganyan ang mindset mo pagdating sa akin." She sounded mad.
"You did it for three times already. How come I would still fall into your lies?" Sagot ko.
"Oh, right. Bakit ko nga ba pipilitin ang isang katulad mo? I'm even glad we broke up."
"Yeah? Well, I hope you would not get embarassed if I tell you many times you beg me to fuck-" Naputol ang sasabihin ko nang magsalita siya agad-agad.
"Fuck you, Alexis. I hate you so much."
She said and ended the call.
Napatawa ako at dinelete ang number niya, but didn't block her account. I met her last 2016, sakto isang taon akong namamalagi sa rpw. I used to be a crp and she was the one who pmed me and yeah, at first it was just pure roleplaying. No feelings attached. Funny how I value the golden rule before but because of her I've got to regulate it.
Two months after, I told her that I'm a girl. At first, I knew she was hesitating. Later on, I'm glad she said she can't lose me. Neither do I, so we continued our relationship.
Winter season, when we decided to meet. We were so excited to see each other. Hirap din kasing puro video calls and chats lang. Kaso ay dalawang beses lang at hindi na nasundan pa kaya siguro ang lakas ng loob niyang gumawa ng bagay na alam niyang hindi ko naman siya mapipigilan because we were far away from each other, just too glad I was often updated because of her friend. Other than that, the relationship we had was so intimate. Para kaming uhaw na uhaw kaya siguro umabot din sa punto na muntik na kaming magsex yet I refused. That would be my first, honestly speaking.
Second meeting namin, she wasn't the same anymore. She's odd. Wala rin yung excitement, hindi katulad noong una. She was there, pero parang wala akong kasama. And that day has ended unmeaningful.
I liked her a lot. Pero sumagi rin sa isip ko na baka, she never did really liked me because I'm not straight like her. Maybe she was just telling me she ain't straight for us to be comftable with the relationship we have but the truth is, after our second meet up, she realized she's really straight. Nakakatawa, naging daan lang ako para malaman niya kung ano talaga siya.
Went through a lot, tbh. Sobra akong namroblema noong mga panahong hindi niya ako chinachat o tinatawagan. She's been hiatus for weeks. Nalaman ko na lang sa kaibigan niya na may manliligaw pala siyang lalaki kaya parang balewala nalang ako. Kitang-kita ko rin kung gaano siya kasaya sa mga photos nila ng opposite sex niya.
Kaya bakit nga ba ako sumugal sa kanya when she's a slut after all? Even her rp account is a smut, containing erotic scenes and her sex fantasies. Of course, I knew about it. We did smut chats for idk how many times, maybe the reason why she asked me if we can fuck each other the first time we met.
Natigil ako sa pagiisip nang nagvibrate ulit ang phone ko, telling me I've got notifications.
Suho: May activity tayo mamaya, guys. 8 pm sharp. Go make your fanservice act and be sure you'll open your account on time.
Seen by Chanyeol, Kai and 9 others.
Nag-ingay ang phone ko dala ng sunod-sunod na messages ng mga kasama ko sa grupo.
Chanyeol: Gonna make a new one. Shit, I wasn't informed.
Kyungsoo: Baka malate ako nang konting oras. May org meeting kami.
Sehun: Hindi ba pwedeng fuckservice? Hahaha.
Luhan: Fanservice ha.
Sehun: Hahaha, just kidding. I'll be on time.
Xiumin: Yeah, be there.
Baekhyun: May tatapusin lang ako.
Kris: I can't make it tonight. Next time nalang ako ha.
Tao: Kahit maiksi lang ano?
Lay: Yup, ang alam ko.
Chen: May gig kami mamaya.
Suho: Habol nalang yung iba lalo na kung may gagawin kayo. For those who can't make it tonight, bawi nalang kayo sa susunod.
Seen by Sehun, Luhan and 5 others.
Umupo ako sa kama at nagtipa.
Kai: Alright, count me in.
After sending the message I had just typed, tumayo ako at naglakad palabas ng kwarto at dumiretso sa kusina. I guess I need some chips so I can clear up my mind. I have some things to do.
