Moonlight (Lil Xan)

Chapter Ten

If you broke my heart, I hope you go away

The first thought I had when I woke up was "I just had sex with Lil Xan." The second thought was "Where was he?" I sat up in the empty king size bed.

"I guess I didn't expect this to have a fairytale ending, but I thought he would at least spend the night," I muttered to myself.

I got dressed and decided to head out, but ended up running into Diego in the hallway.

"Hey! Wait up!" he gave me a reassuring smile. "You didn't think I was just going to leave you like that, did you?"

"Well, I guess."

"Sorry. I felt really terrible this morning and went back to my room."

"Did you throw up this time?" I asked.

He looked down at the floor.

"Yeah. I have an appointment today, so I'll be leaving soon.

I kissed his forehead.

"I'm really sorry. I want what's best for you, and I hope you recover fast. But, I know I'm causing you stress."

"Fuck no, Sofia. It would hurt me even more if you left. I swear."

When Diego left, I went into Austin's room. Before I could even get a word out, I bursted into tears.

"Hey, come here, Sofe. Woah, what's going on? Listen, I know a lot has happened for you this week."

He pulled me into a hug.

"I can't handle this anymore." I talked between sobs.

"I'm worried about Diego, and I don't even know what's going on between us. This is all too much."

"Yeah, I heard you two last night," Omar smirked.

Austin glared at him.

"This isn't the right time to mention that."

"I've been worried about you guys too, and you're young. I get you'll be 17 soon, but still. I don't want this to end badly for you," Austin said.

"He does really care about you. He doesn't see you as a hoe. You know that right?" Omar said.

"I don't know what to think anymore. What's going to happen after this? Maybe he's faking how much he cares about me," I said.

"You're overthinking this," Omar said.

"Stop having such low confidence. Do you realize how obsessed he is with you?" Austin laughed.

"I just wasn't expecting us to go this fast, and now I'm causing him so much stress, he might not be able to go back on tour."

"I don't think that's it. Maybe you helped him realize what he really needs right now. He needs to relax and have fun, and you showed him that. He doesn't need to be going to a different city every night. He was already so tired and anxious a few days before he even met you. He needs a break," Omar explained.

"Damn, that's deep. I think you're right," Austin said.

"I know I'm right. So just chill out until pretty boy get's back from the doctor. I'm sure either way you guys will find a way to work it out."

"Fuck, I need heroin or some shit," I said.

"No, you don't. You'll be ok. I promise," Austin said.

Later, I found myself flipping through the celebrity gossip channels on my TV.

"Rapper, Lil Xan, is said to be soon hospitalized due to recent mental breakdowns. It is rumored he might even cancel the rest of his tour. Is this because of his anxiety or maybe just an excuse to spend more time with his new fling, Sofia? Fans of Sofia have been protesting online saying she is "too good" for the rapper and needs to get out of her relationship with him. Is it true Lil Xan might just be using Sofia to gain more popularity and fame?"

"Do people not have anything better to do with their time?" I said to myself.

"What?"

I jumped back, not noticing Diego had walked in.

"Nothing."

I switched off the TV.

"How did it go?"

He shuffled slowly over to my bed and sat down.

"The psychiatrist said I probably shouldn't go back on tour or at least take a few weeks off."

"Dang, I'm sorry. This sucks," I said.

"Does it?" he smiled. "I was so stressed and tired. I need to recover."

"Why didn't you tell me how you were feeling before?" I questioned.

"I don't know. I didn't want to worry you."

He pulled me on his lap and hugged me.

"Don't ever feel like you need to hide your feelings from anyone, Diego. It's not healthy."

"So, this is our last day here in this place isn't it?" he said.

"What now?" I said, almost immediately regretting that I asked.

"I mean I guess we should just focus on getting you better, "I said.

"Yeah. I still feel like shit. But, I still want to see you. Obviously," he said, squeezing my waist.

"It doesn't feel like we met a week ago. It feels like forever," I said.

"Forever only last when I'm with you," he said.

I laughed and turned around to face him.

"That's some sappy shit right there," I joked.

"Don't tell Omar I ever said that," he laughed.

"Oh. I totally will!"

"I'm gonna kill you!"

He stuck his tongue out and tried to like my face.

"Ew! Stop it!" I laughed.

He licked a wet strip across my cheek.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and licked the tip of his nose.

He laughed, and I buried my face in his neck, taking in the scent of the hotel soap and whatever weed he smoked last night.

"You know, I'm not sure all these drugs are helping your anxiety. I know you're probably taking them to try to calm down, but it is really working?"

"You're right. It might be making it worse," he sighed.

"Do you trust me?" he asked

"What?" I said immediately.

"Like, we can't hide the fact I'm a lot older than you and—"

"Diego! We already had this conversation—"
"No, let me finish! I don't want you to think I just see you as one of my bitches if we still keep in touch after this, you feel me. I haven't talked to any girl the whole time we were here, and Omar said you don't completely trust my motives. Maybe if this works out, you could be my only one. I know we have a while to go, but I hope you feel the same way I do."

"Well, everyone already seems to think you're using me to gain attention," I said. "Diego, you know I like you, but I'm only 16, so I don't know if I want to jump into something like this so quickly."

"I get it, but I just want you to know, I'll always be waiting for you."