Offred

Pain

Offred knocked softly on Fred's office door and then got in. There he was, waiting for her. He rushed to hug and kiss her.

- How are you feeling, my love?
- How do you expect me to feel, Fred? I don't know how much longer I can take this.
- We have to be strong, my life. I love you so much. I wish I could have stopped this and saved you from this.. miserable life.

Offred sat on the nearest chair and covered her face with her hands. Fred kneeled next to her, laying his head on her lap.

- Oh, Fred! I feel broken, I feel angry.. all these bad emotions will make me explode! When I think of what they did to us and of what they're making us do.. I just can't..

Fred was weeping.

- She would have been with us now..
- I know, Fred .. but they took her out of me.. like we both were animals.

Fred got up and hit the table with his fist. He started yelling and throwing everything off the table. Offred tried to calm him down. She hugged him and they both fell on the floor. He was laying his head on her chest, sobbing.

- Fred, please..
- Oh my God! I.. I'm sorry, Joy. I'm so sorry, my love.. I couldn't.. oh God.. I couldn't protect my girls.. oh God please!! Please God! Why did you do this to me?! WHYYYY!!!!
- Fred (weeping) .. Fred, please, she will hear you.

He raised his head and looked at her in the eyes.

- My Joy..

Offred's face suddenly turned dead serious. She wiped her tears and got up, leaving Fred there still sitting on the floor.

- I.. Joy is dead. They killed her when they killed our baby. I'm Offred now.. your sex slave.

Fred covered his face with his hands.

- I will get us out of here. I promise you.
- I'm tired.. Fred.

He got up and put her hands around her waist, hugging her from behind and kissing her neck. She could feel his tears on her skin. He turned her around and kissed her, touching her everywhere. Offred was touching him, too. She could feel his erection against her belly. As they were about to undress each other, they heard Serena's voice. She was talking to their Martha. Offred, terrified of the idea what she might do if she caught them there left running. Fred went near the wall and layed against it crying. This was all too much. Till when were they going to stand this?

The next morning Serena was waiting for Fred in the kitchen. With her there was their driver, Nick. They were about to go at the house of one of the commanders to congratulate him about the news that his Handmaid was pregnant. Fred arrived wearing his coat.

- Oh, Fred. Are you ready, dear?

In that moment Offred walked in. It was the first time Nick was seeing her and he was.. fascinated. Fred didn't like the way he was staring at her. Serena saw the tension that was building up.