The Open Door - Sean and Kaycee

19. Lost and Found

Kaycee

What. The. Hell. My jaw literally crashes onto the floor.

Two immediate thoughts: 1) Holy shit, I don't have a shirt on. Sean Freaking Lew is seeing me in a sports bra, someone please call an ambulance because I'm about to pass out. 2) Wait, he's in my apartment. Did he follow me here? How else would he know where I live?

In that order.

"Kaycee," Sean breathes. He looks around himself as if searching for something to say. "Umm... hi."

I stare at him speechlessly through the silence.

"You look... beaut--" He coughs. "Fine. You look fine. Better than fine actually, what am I saying. You look amazing," he says awkwardly, scratching his head.

Still, no words are coming to my brain. C'mon Kaycee, focus.

Sean bites his lip anxiously. "Er--this is a nice apartment... you have great taste in throw pillows. And... wow, you kept my flowers alive for all this time?" He's looking over at the vase where I've kept the tiger lillies that he gave me a week ago.

Sean looks back at me. I realize that he's making a conscious effort to keep his eyes fixated only on my face, and not straying down to... other areas. Self-consciously, I fold my arms over my chest.

"Um... so--"

"What are you doing here?" I blurt out. Sean flinches. I recognize the steel in my voice and I soften my tone. "I--I didn't realize that you knew where I lived, Shamu."

Sean looks down, his ears turning pink. "Well... you see--"

"Did you follow me here?"

"Look, Kaycee... I'm really really sorry. I just--wanted to make sure you were okay. You were acting a little bit strangely at lunch today. Well, you know, more strangely than usual. Are you... are you mad at me?" Sean glances at me timidly.

Something in my chest warms up at his words and at seeing the genuinely caring concern in his eyes. His compassion almost makes me want to cry even more. "No, how could I possibly be mad at you, Shamu? I'm just... a little bit in shock, that's all. No one ever comes here besides me." My voice quavers.

Sean looks at me in surprise. "I hope you don't mind my asking, but... where's your family? Are they out of town?"

"Ou-out of town? Um, no. They... they're not--I haven't--nevermind." I close my eyes and the hot tears start to build up under my eyelids. I squeeze them shut.

At that moment, I feel a gentle touch on my shoulder. A hand. It strokes my shoulder, slowly moving down to the top of my arm. The raging storm inside of me begins to calm down. I open my eyes to see his eyes, so close to mine. And I'm swimming in the warmth of his eyes. They're like an invitation to me, as if I were a lost traveler who showed up on his doorstep and he was inviting me into the comfort of his home. An opening at last.

"Kaycee? I'm here."

With those three simple words, I completely break down. The floodgates open up and Hurricane Kaycee is unleashed.

"Take a deep breath and you'll feel better," Sean says patiently. How is his voice so frickin calm and steady?

I take a deep breath in. "You want to know the tr-truth?" I hiccup.

"I want to know whatever you have to tell me," Sean says. "But take your time. We have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere, not until I know that you're okay."

It takes me a while to calm myself down. As soon as I have the strength to open my mouth, I say shakily, "My family isn't here because they don't know where I am. I haven't seen them for over a year. I'm--I'm lost. I have no one, and I'm nothing."