The Open Door - Sean and Kaycee

23. Through the Door

Sean

Somehow, I find myself outside of Kaycee Rice's door. I'm not sure how I got here. I don't even know her address--the only time I've been here is the one time that I followed her. But after she disappeared, my feet led me through the winding streets, as if my brain and my heart knew the path somehow, even though they don't. And now, here I am.

"Kaycee?"

Silence.

"It's Sean."

Silence.

"I'm sorry."

Footsteps.

"Can we talk?"

The screeching sound of a chair being pushed up against the door.

"Kaycee, I know you're in there."

Silence again.

"I would say that I didn't mean to hurt you, but you wouldn't believe me. I just... want to know what's going on."

Breathing. Heavy breathing.

"If I told you that I sent that stupid email with no ill intent, would you forgive me?"

A sniffle.

"If I told you that I would give anything to take back that stupid email, would you forgive me?"

A small, barely-suppressed sob.

"If... if I told you that I only wanted your family to see how beautiful and wonderful and amazing you are, would you forgive me?"

"You never asked me." A shaky voice comes from behind the door.

I pause for a minute, somewhat taken aback. "Never asked you about what?"

"About whether or not to send the fucking email! I don't give a damn what your intentions were. You never told me. You never asked what my opinion was."

"Kaycee, I'm sorr--"

"Shut up. Just shut up."

Now I'm the one who's silent.

"My family. My future. My life that you just ruined. And you never thought to ask me? Instead, you just come over here afterwards begging for my forgiveness? You make me sick."

Even though she's blocked by the door, I can see her expression clearly in her mind. The hatred that would contort her features and the hurt that would well up in her eyes. And it makes my head hurt. You've screwed this one up pretty badly, Sean. 

"Kaycee," I say, my voice hoarse, "how do I--how could I possibly make this up to you?"

"You can't. You don't even know the half of it yet. I have two weeks left. Two fucking weeks before I have to go back there. That's what you've done to me." Her voice chokes up.