The Open Door - Sean and Kaycee

10. Social Media

Kaycee

"Do you need a ride?" Sean asks me.

"No, I'm fine. I usually take the bus."

"Are you sure? I can totally drive you."

I shake my head. "Really, I'm fine. But thanks, Shamu."

Sean gives me a strange look. "Exactly how far away do you live if you're taking the bus?"

"Uh... not... that far. A couple of stops, it's not too bad. I swear, I'm fine Sean." I recognize the steel in my voice and I soften a little bit. "It's been great hanging out with you, Shamu. We should do it again sometime."

He smiles, and I have to resist the urge to touch his adorable dimples. "Later, Ricebowl."

I board the bus. There's no one else on it except the driver. He gives me a conspiratorial smile. We're both lonely fools.

I gaze distantly out the window. The buildings and scenery start blurring together into a lazily monotonous swirl of color, and I start to lose focus. Lunch with Sean was so much fun. Maybe even too much fun. He's so different, so new, so far removed from the reality that I'm living in. With him there, I almost forget how alone I really am in this world.

That is, until I get home. And I'm using "home" in the official sense only, as in the place where I eat, shower, and sleep. Other than that, there's nothing at all home-like about this tiny, dingy apartment that I've lived in for a year now. In fact, it's barely functional -- I stay away from it as much as I can. If you'd been living here by yourself for 12 whole months, you'd understand why.

You start to understand that loneliness isn't a condition. It's something that you carry with you everywhere you go. You can't get rid of it. You can't take it off like a jacket. It will always be with you, like a curse. In a crowd of a thousand people, I will still be a loner.

I need to push these thoughts out of my head. They're not healthy.

the next day

I've been hitting refresh on my email every 2 seconds, anticipating an email from ImmaBEAST. I wish beyond anything that I could be a part of this team. For one, it would really boost my dance career. But for another (and maybe even more importantly), I really want to see Sean Lew again. As crazy as that sounds, he's probably the best friend I've had in a long time. Whenever I'm around him, I feel more complete.

Oh god, that sounds so romantic. But it's not... at least, I'm pretty sure it isn't like that. I swear, I'm losing all sense.

Finally, an email shows up from Janelle.

To: kayceerice13@gmail.com, seanlew1125@gmail.com, baileysok1@gmail.com, kensanjose@gmail.com, tatertat224@gmail.com, gabedeguzman@gmail.com, natbat765@gmail.com, juliandeguzman@gmail.com, joshprice666@gmail.com, tahanianderson@gmail.com

From: janelleginestra@immabeast.net

CC: willdabeastadamas@immabeast.net

Subject: Congratulations!

Hello everyone!

If you've received this email, then you are officially a member of Immabeast Company's elite youth team!

Will and I are extremely excited to work with you all. You will be exposed to many different choreographers and given multiple opportunities to expand your identity as a dancer. In addition, we hope that you will join us in showcasing the art of dance to the world.

Company classes begin tomorrow, with a master class from choreographer Jake Kodish. We hope to see you all there!

Warmly,