The Replacement Luna (A Luna Chronicles Novel) [Completed]

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Ruth 'Eden' Glass

In my cheer-gym there was only rule – positive thoughts only. I had to keep the spirits of my cheerleaders up, so I always made sure to enforce that rule. But sometimes that was hard to follow myself. And despite the fact that I was telling the squad to rid themselves of the negative energy, all I could think about was Abel. No, even that was wrong. All I could think about was Abel...and Quinn.

Abel, my beautiful baby boy, would have been three this week. It would have been his birthday in three days times. All I could think about was holding his tiny lifeless body in my arms as I cried, no-one but the doctor with me, as I experienced the worst feeling any person could go through.

And I didn't want to go through that again. Ever.

And that was what I was thinking of, as I held the pregnancy test in my shaking hand. The death of my first born. Abel's death. Because how could I possibly think of anything else when I'd just found out I was pregnant? The idea of going through all that again was soul destroying.

The doctor had told me that I would always be Abel's mother, and no one could take that away from me. But I didn't truly feel like a mother. I'd never got to have the sleepless nights, the night-time cuddles, the changing of diapers or the true love of a mother-child relationship. Sure, I was a parent, but I was not a mother.

And, now, I had another chance to be a mother. Because after sleeping with Quinn, I was once again pregnant. I tried to be happy about it, but I wasn't. No, that was wrong. I wasn't happy but I wasn't unhappy either – I was overwhelmed. I couldn't process the fact I was pregnant when Abel's birthday was coming up.

After blowing Quinn off when I went to ask for permission to go back home to the Black Bloods Pack, I didn't know how I was going to tell him I was pregnant. But, I would have to face that when I came to it. I couldn't have a relationship with anyone, Quinn included, but I would not withhold the information about my pregnancy from him.

First, I was focusing on Abel and the fact that it was his birthday. This year, just like every year, I was going to spend the day at Abel's grave. When I had first found out that I had had a stillborn, I refused to look or acknowledge the baby. But, the doctor explained to me that the only way to bond, and therefore grief, was to name my child and given him a proper headstone. And, he'd been right.

Going to Abel's grave – located next to my father's – was hard but it was something that I also needed. I needed a place to speak to my son and be with my son, even if he wasn't truly there. It was selfish and probably more for me than it was for Abel, but that was okay. It was a place I needed to be able to grieve. And no one would understand what it was like to lose a child, until they'd lost one themselves.

The Black Blood Pack, my birth Pack, had been taken over by Alpha Seth Zev three years previously. Due to the fact he was an Alpha of two Packs, he had appointed two Commanders who were in charge of the Pack in his absence. Twin brothers Devon and Ramone were good friends of mine – Devon more than Ramone – and they allowed me to visit the Pack while keeping Drew away from me.

Drew would be mere miles away from me, but Devon promised that he'd keep make sure that no one saw me or even knew I was there. He'd done it for me the previous two years and he promised that this year would be no different.

I gave once last glance at the pregnancy test before throwing it in the hotel bin. I had been spending the beginning of the week in a hotel, having some private time away from my new Pack and my new cheer squad. On the Friday morning, the day of Abel's birthday, I drove the rest of the journey to Black Bloods Pack. My hands were shaking on the steering wheel the entire way there.