Fixing Us

Chapter 1: Take a Break

Jimin POV

"Jiminie, you have to take a break. You're going to wear yourself down before the performance tonight." Yoongi hyung says as he walks into the dance studio we have at the house.

"Hyung, I'm fine. I'm just trying to make sure that I've got it all down." I tell him as I continue dancing to the song I have playing. He sighs, shaking his head at me as he puts his hands on his hips.

"Jiminie, you've been in here all day. You need to take a break. Go get some food and rest up. You'll be too exhausted for the performance tonight if you keep at it like this." He tries to persuade me.

You don't need food. You've been getting fat and losing your abs. You can sleep all you want when you're dead. You need to make sure you don't embarrass yourself tonight.

"I'll be fine, hyung. Just a little bit longer and I'll be down. I'm okay, I swear." I respond, stopping my dancing for a second to look over at him and give him a smile. He sighs, shaking his head again.

"Jiminie, please make sure you take a break. Okay? You're one of the best dancers we have. You really don't have to be so hard on yourself." Yoongi says with a frown before exiting the room.

I sigh, shaking my head at him. He's wrong. He's so wrong. I'm one of the worst dancers in the band. There's reasons I almost got cut from the band back at the beginning. Because they weren't sure my dancing and vocals were going to be good enough. I've already messed up a couple of the performances within the last year. If I keep messing up like that then they really might cut me this time.

Taking a breath, I walk over and start the song over. My entire body is almost shaking at this point from the amount of work I've been putting in lately when I don't have school work to be doing. I've been trying to prep for this performance for the last month and I still don't feel ready.

To make matters worse, we've got school that's just started up this past week and I'm already unsure that I'm going to be able to do well. Knowing we're getting into a busy portion of our year is taunting enough. The idea of not being able to perform to the expected levels in everything I'm doing just scares the hell out of me.

I feel bad for the others. I know they dislike seeing me so stressed. They just don't understand. They have no idea how I actually grew up. They've no idea why or how I've become such the perfectionist that I am... I just can't bring myself to explain it to them. It shouldn't be necessary...

Saejing POV

"Jing, you gotta take a break for a moment." Minae tells me, walking into the dance studio. I roll my eyes at her in the mirror. She's not the first one to try and stop me.

"Seriously, I'm not joking. Our manager wants to talk to you." She says with a sigh. Swearing under my breath, I stop mid dance and turn the music off.

"What does he want?" I ask, trying to calm my breathing as I slip my phone into my back pocket. She just shakes her head.

"I don't know. He didn't say." She tells me with a small frown. I just nod my head and walk out with her. Watching her leave altogether, I veer off to the side and head down the hall to his office.

"Minae said you wanted to see me?" I question as I walk in. He looks up and me, nodding his head.

"I need to discuss a couple of things with you. Please take a seat." He tells me. Nodding my head, I move and take a seat across from him on the other side of his desk.

"First of all, I need to talk with you about the issue of schooling." He starts. Frowning at him, I shake my head.

"Can't I just do online schooling? The others all do." I try to reason with him. It's not the first time. I guess this is what happens when your the maknae of the band and the only one still stuck trying to graduate.

"We've been over this, Saejing. Multiple times for that matter. No, you're not doing online schooling. The others are all taking college classes which is why they're doing it online. I've found another school for you to attend for this year. They only just started up last week. You'll be starting there on Monday." He explains with a sigh.

"Why can't I do online? It's so much easier, the things I have to learn right now are things I learned a few years ago, and you know how well I do at attending school." I try to persuade him.

"Saejing, you're attending school and you start Monday. That's final. You'll be attending under your real name rather than your stage name and you'll be wearing your glasses with colored contacts instead of your regular contacts. You'll need to cover up your tattoos if any of them are visible as well. You're good with makeup, and I'm sure you can do something different than your normal. With these changes, it should be enough to disguise you." He explains. I sigh unhappily, nodding my head.

"The next thing that I want to discuss with you is your attendance. I don't want you skipping school for work unless I specifically have informed you that that's what will be happening. Understood?" He gives me a look as I frown, though I nod anyways.

"Good. Now there's one more thing I want to cover with you before we discuss your workload for the week." He informs me. Biting my lip softly, I have a feeling I know what it's about.

"We know what your tendencies are when coping with stress. You're already showing signs of slipping back into your old ways. With you being the leader of the band as well as the other positions you hold in your life as a whole, you need to be stronger.

"You've been doing this since you debuted and it needs to end. Your older now and we expect more and better from you. I don't want to see you or have the others come to me to explain that you're slipping down again. Understood? If things are getting too hard for you, be a good leader and delegate." He tells me.

The words feel like bullets but I nod my head. I know he's right. I should be becoming more mature as I've gotten older technically since we debuted. Though, memories of the hellish nights I've had flash through my mind. Memories of throwing up, of the cigarette smoke, bloody knuckles. I mentally will the frightful images away with a sigh.

"Good. Now, I understand you have to take some time out of your days to get homework done and to stop by the restaurant, but we're getting into the heat of things again. I want to be able to start doing small tours during this coming spring semester along with getting a bunch of things released. You know the types of things that requires.

"We gave the band this last month off to recover and strengthen yourselves back up from the two month tour that you guys had at the beginning of the summer. I expect you all to be ready to start getting back to work here shortly.

"I'm not going to give hard deadlines yet, but here's what I'm expecting: I need a new full album from the band by the middle of September. I want a new full album from yourself by the end of September. By the first week and a half of October, I need the music video ideas from you and you need to have choreographies ready so that we can start shooting those as soon as possible after releasing the albums.

"I also need more band merch and solo merch ideas from you. I need that all in by the end of October. I also need you working with the vocal and dance lines of Stray Kids to get their new album finished up and ready for videoing by the end of October.

"I'm going to be busy during the next three months to make sure you're all keeping up on those deadlines and getting all of you interviews. If you've got the time after handling all of these things during the day, I could use your help to set up the tours for spring." He informs me. I already wish to be buried at the sounds of what I've got to accomplish.

"Alright. That's all I have for you at the moment. You're dismissed." He tells me. I nod, standing and heading towards the door. I've already got the feeling for being in the mood to drink.

"And, Saejing?" He speaks just as I reach the door. Stopping, I look back at him with a quizzical look.

"I'm serious. Get yourself under control and get yourself grounded here on earth again before you really hurt someone. Show the world that you actually know how to act like a normal human." He instructs before waving me away. I just sigh and walk out.

Heading back into the dance studio, I blast the music and try to focus on the music that's spilling from the speakers. It's all I can do right now not to just completely break down. I really do wonder sometimes if anyone remembers the fact that I am still the maknae of the group. I know I hid my past fairly well, but for fucks sake. They're asking me to just breathe while I'm drowning under water.