Fixing Us

Chapter 8: Late Night Arguments

"Jiminie, where do you think you're going?" I ask, looking up at the boy from the floor where I'm leaned up against the wall next to his door.

"Jing, what're you doing still awake? You should getting sleep." He frowns.

"Jiminie, go back to bed. Go get some sleep." I tell him, seeing the clothes he's dressed in.

"Jing, I need to be practicing more than what I've been able to. Besides, I can't sleep anyways." He sighs honestly. Shaking my head, I stand up.

"Jiminie, you need your sleep. You don't need to be doing a bunch of practicing." I try to reason with him. However, he shakes his head and tries to walk past me.

"Jimin, stop it. Go to bed." I instruct as I pull him backwards, causing him to stumble.

"It doesn't do any good anyways! I need to be practicing, Jing! Just let me fucking go!" He yells, seemingly not caring that everyone else was asleep.

"Jiminie, I can help you get to sleep but you have to go back to bed! You do not need to be practicing like the end of the world is coming and your next performance decides your fate! You need sleep damn it!" I argue. He just scoffs at me, beginning to head down the hall. Shaking my head, I stalk up to him and grab him by the back of his shirt.

"Jiminie! You have to stop this! You're not doing yourself any good!" I yell at him, the others finally beginning to open their doors.

"I'd be doing myself a world of good if you'd let me just fucking practice, Jing! You won't let me do anything anymore except fucking eat! I'm getting fat again! I'm getting out of shape again! You aren't helping me damn it!" He shouts at me, tears in his eyes.

"Stop it, Jiminie! Your father is not here right now and you know damn well your mother would be crushed to hear you speaking about yourself in such a way!" I scold him. His eyes widen at my mention of the two people.

"It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter anyways! She isn't here to stop me! She isn't here anymore, Jing! You know damn well that my father was always right all along anyways! She isn't here and all she does anymore is keep me fucking up late at night!" He screams, falling to his knees as he glares at me through teary eyes, tears falling fast.

"Just because she isn't here doesn't mean she ever stopped caring, Jiminie! She cared and worried about you till her last breath and I damn well guarantee that she still does! Your father was never right, Jiminie! He was just an asshole who didn't know how to cope with losing his wife! And you've never coped with losing your mother either!

"You have to stop, Jiminie! It's why you can never sleep at night! It's part of why you push yourself so goddamn hard! It doesn't matter how well you do, Jiminie! It's never going to be enough for your father because he's an asshole and it's never going to bring your mother back!" I speak, tears forming in my eyes as well.

I can literally see his heart just shatter in his eyes as he looks up at me. His tears just keep falling, almost seemingly out of nowhere as he does nothing but look up at me with a loss of words.

"All I ever wanted to do was make them proud." He whispers, his gaze lowering to the floor. Sighing, I walk forward and sit down on my knees in front of him. Cupping his cheeks in my hands, I wipe away his tears as I bring his face up for him to look at me.

"At some point, you have to stop, Jiminie. I know you want to make them proud. Your mother would be so unbelievably proud of who you've become and what all you've accomplished if she were here right now, Jiminie. But your father isn't someone who's opinion you'll ever change. It's just who he's become. You've made so many people proud though, Jiminie.