Fixing Us

Chapter 29: Don't Give Up Now

I rest my head on Tae's shoulder as we wait to be taken back. It's been three weeks since the amputation. Since the week Jiminie was taken into the hospital and went unconscious.

"Kim Saejing?" My name finally gets called. Kookie stands up first, helping me up before Tae stands last. The others are all at work at the moment. They'd had to go in today because their manager wanted the boys in today. Jin tried to get out of it desperately but since he's the oldest, the best they could do was get the youngest two out of school to come with while they attended the meeting.

As the two boys help me back, following the nurse down the hall, it's all silent. I've hardly got any energy left at all in me. The walk to the room is beyond exhausting for me at this point, especially since it's a longer one with having to go to the actual hospital room rather than just a regular check up type room.

When we get there, the nurse exits and the two boys help me change into the hospital gown. It's kind of sad honestly. I'm that weak at this point that I can't even change into the hospital gown on my own.

As soon as I'm changed, there's a knock at the door. As the weeks have passed and I've grown weaker, they've been more attentive and seem to try to take care of running me around as soon as they can so that I don't have to wait as long.

I'm not complaining though. I've lost enough energy at this point that, as annoying as it is to not get a chance to just breathe for a moment before having to run around the building again, it's nice to be able to get stuck in the room for a bit of a time period only once.

Despite how weak I've grown, the nurse that always wheels me around still insists I get onto one of the machines by myself each time. It's frustrating at times because I can very hardly manage that much at this point, but I appreciate that she doesn't let me quit and give up.

Whenever I don't have the performances or an interview or something, I spend all of my time in Jiminie's room. I know it seems kind of useless at this point considering it's been three weeks and there's still no signs of him waking anytime soon, but I refuse to leave his side if I can help it. The only times I actually go back to the house now is to shower and just overall clean up a bit. Which is every other day, though I'm not gone for more than an hour each time.

"You ready to do this?" She asks with a small smile when we reach the first machine. I sigh but nod my head as she helps me out of the wheelchair. Biting my lip, I lean myself back against the bed of the machine before attempting to lift myself. It's a complete surprise at this point that I still have the strength to lift myself up and back onto it, though I've got tears in my eyes from the pain.

It's a lot harder to do it with one arm and weak legs. She helps me lay back and with that, we continue on with the rest of the routine to take the X-rays and go through the scans. She wheels me back after we're done and Kookie lifts me up onto the bed.

Sitting on the bed weakly with the two boys at my side, I feel completely defeated. I've managed to keep myself together since the night of the first performance with the boys. We've had three more since then and I've had a few of my own and a few with my band.

Ducking my head, I lift my hand up to cover my mouth as I begin to weakly cry. Leaning forward a bit, I begin sobbing before I feel them move to either side of me and comfort me.

"Jing, what's wrong?" Tae asks softly as they continue to hold me.

"Look at me, Tae. I'm pathetic. I'm so weak that I can't even get onto the bed without help anymore. I can't walk around without someone needing to be there incase I fall. It's been three weeks. Three weeks and the cancer still isn't gone. Three weeks and Jiminie still hasn't woken up yet. I feel like I've lost everything." I cry out. Both boys hold onto me tighter in response.