Fixing Us

Chapter 19: Hospitals and Interviews

Going through the entire process at the doctors office today alone is extremely taunting. It's hard enough with the little energy I've got left at this point, not to mention spending time here instead of at school or working. To have to be here alone for the first time ever though? Let's just say I could almost be considered a shitshow.

As I wait in the room alone, I've got an earbud in playing music while I go through the list of things I still have to do.

•All choreographies and music video ideas ready by this coming Wednesday.
•Finish my own album (I still have five songs left to write) by next Friday.
•Have my own choreographies prepared for the following Wednesday.
•Work on tour dates for spring and summer of this coming year.
•Come up with new band merch.
•Come up with solo merch.
•Help Stray Kids come up with band merch.
•Help Stray Kids finish with their album and choreographies by this Wednesday.

Yeah... Nothing too bad, right? Oh, almost forgot.

•Continue fighting the damned cancer that's eating away at my upper arm and eventually possibly into my shoulder.
•Continue trying to hide the cancer from all of the boys, minus RM obviously.
•Continue attempting to fight the extremely strong side effects of the chemo.
•Continue coming to a place that terrifies me twice a week unless specified to be more often.

I roll my eyes at my own sarcasm. Sighing, I shake my head. Thankfully, Dr. Ming soon comes in to save me from being my own demise. However, the look on her face isn't a good one.

"How're you holding up so far, Saejing?" She asks with a small smile as she takes a seat on her doctors stool in the room. I shrug slightly at the question.

"Okay, I guess." I answer quietly, my mind silencing into a painful abyss.

"How's the pain in your shoulder? Better? Worse? The same?" She asks next.

"It's gotten a little worse." I answer honestly, sighing at the end. She nods in response.

"How're you handling the side effects of the chemo thus far?" She then asks. Biting my lip, I nod my head.

"They're a lot stronger than I'd thought." I answer softly, dropping my head slightly at the question. She nods.

"As I expected. It's really strong medication. You probably shouldn't be driving by now with the side effects but I imagine you're using good judgment about what all you're doing while on this stuff. Quite frankly, I'm impressed that you're actually doing as well at the moment as you are. Most people would be sitting here half asleep in your shoes." She responds, her voice gentle as she speaks. I just nod in response.

"You need to make sure you're eating at least one full meal a day. If you'd be here, we'd be monitoring how much you eat per meal to make sure you're getting enough nutrients." She informs me. I nod again.

"Alright, so the X-rays we took. Unfortunately, it looks like the tumor has grown a bit. Though, we've gone the same time period between the X-rays this week as we did last week with the scans and Monday, and it appears that it didn't grow as much as last time.

"Which is a good thing. I think I want to start you on doing the radiation on the days you're coming in. The rest of the days, I want you upping the amount of times your taking it to four times a day. Just up your dosage for today. We'll start the radiation Tuesday. See if that helps any." She explains. Swallowing hard, I nod my head in response.

"If you have any questions about any of the side effects or anything else, Saejing, don't be afraid to ask. Okay? Same goes for the pain you're feeling. Understand?" She tells me gently. I just take a deep breath and nod my head. She gives me a small smile in response.