Fixing Us

Chapter 13: Frustrations

Running a hand through my hair, I pace the hallway as I down an entire bottle of the clear alcohol. I'm nervous and unbelievably frustrated right now.

"Pacing and wearing yourself down isn't going to help anything, you know." Yoongi tells me as he leans back against one of the walls, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

"What do you want, Yoongi?" I ask with a sigh, tossing the empty bottle in a nearby trash can.

"You realize stressing yourself out like this won't help anything, Jing. Separating and isolating yourself from everyone doesn't help anyone." He informs me. I roll my eyes.

"I don't need to be told any of it. Besides, it's better than I'm out here alone rather than allowing my stress to deep into everyone else. I think I've got more than enough to be stressing about, thank you very much." I tell him as I run a hand through my hair again. He sighs, shaking his head before stepping out and grabbing ahold of me by my upper arms.

"Jing, you have to stop. Stop freaking out so much. Everything's going to be just fine." He says with a small frown. However, I ignore the pain in my shoulder as I yank myself out of his hold, stumbling backwards slightly with tears in my eyes.

"Don't you get it, Yoongi? Don't you see? It's not going to be just fine. Nothing is just fine! Jiminie has hardly spoken to me, hardly even looked at me since Thursday night. Even Jin will hardly speak to me, doesn't fight me on anything. I'm going to the doctors for the third time in a week period. Nothing is fucking fine! That's just the tip of the goddamn iceberg!" My voice grows louder near the end, screaming the last two sentences. Crouching down with my hands wrapped protectively over my head, the tears fall hot and fast.

Shaking my head after a minute, I stand up and stalk off. Walking down the hall, I go back into my bands dressing room. Checking the time, I'm right on schedule to be heading down to Stray Kids right now. Everyone except Minae ignores my presence when I walk into the room. I don't care, grabbing another bottle before heading out to warm the band up.

The night goes by slowly. First warming up Stray Kids then watching them perform. A few acts later, BTS goes on stage. The two older girls grow excited as they watch the boys.

They like the boys and I'm sure they're wanting to date a couple of them. As a matter of fact, I even get to listen to them discuss how they want to date Yoongi and Jin. Or maybe Namjoon. Even Hoseok would be okay. I just roll my eyes, staying silent through that bit of the night.

A few acts after BTS perform, it's time for us to go warm up. If you were wondering, it doesn't go well in the slightest.

"Saejing! What the hell is your problem?! That's the millionth time you've fucked up the same move!" Sohjae yells at me. I sigh, running a hand through my hair in frustration.

"Stop being so mean to her!" Minae yells back at her sister.

"Stop the shouting! Stop the fighting! For fucks sake, I know I messed up again! Goddamn it I'm trying though!" I scream in anger. All three of them go dead silent as Sohjae glares at me.

"Then try harder, Saejing. This shit isn't good enough. Now start us again." She snaps. I feel like anything that might've felt okay just breaks, my heart sinking down through the floor.

The rest of the warm up time is silent as we run through it time and time again until it's time for us to get out on stage. As we go through the performance on stage, I finally manage to get the piece that I'd been messing up right.

However, right at the end for the last move, I trip hard over an uneven spot on the stage floor. Audibly gasping as I fall semi forwards, I fall on my right side. With everything I have in me, I attempt to catch myself as I put my arms out to hit the floor first.