Fixing Us

Chapter 22: Bad Visits and Conferences

It's almost scary, honestly. I've been on the chemo for a week and a day and I've never felt as weak as I do now. I'm weak enough that I don't even have the energy to be nervous coming in for the appointment today.

They take the X-rays before they take me for the radiation treatment. In total I think all of it takes around forty five minutes or so. They don't even let me walk back to the room after the radiation, making me be in a wheelchair so that they can take me back.

I don't even bother arguing it. I'm stuck staying in the room for around another thirty minutes afterwards just so that they can monitor my reaction to it. Meanwhile, I just force myself to work in writing more music. I still have to have five songs done by this Friday.

"How're you holding up?" Dr. Ming asks when she finally enters the room. I just set my notebook and pen down on my lap.

"I'm managing. How's the tumor?" I ask, not caring how blunt I'm being. You can't really blame me, I need to know how this thing is doing. How much longer possibly I'm going to have to stay on this goddamn chemo. She sighs at my response.

"It didn't seem to be a huge fan of the added dosage. It's begun spreading worse. It's gone down your arm further by the looks of things, but it also appears that it's grown up towards your shoulder a bit more. All of this being more active than what we would've expected." She answers with a sigh. Tipping my head back a bit, I attempt to hold back tears.

"The important thing is that the growth upwards is still slow, just like it had been last week. It's still growing but at a fairly slower rate now that we have you on the chemo. It's just that the growth downwards is new activity from it." She explains. Biting my lip hard, I nod in response.

"I don't want to push this option if you're not comfortable with it, but amputation is still a possibility. We are doing our best to save your arm, Saejing. But that option is still there." She reminds me.

"I know." I answer quietly, my voice hoarse. She sighs as she looks up at me.

"How are you mentally holding up, Saejing?" She asks with a small frown. Taking a deep breath to attempt to calm myself down, I nod my head.

"I'm doing what I can." I answer, looking out the window that's in the room. I feel a tear fall but I ignore it.

"There is emotional and mental support, Saejing, if you need it." She informs me.

"I'll be fine." I answer, almost sounding believable. She just sighs again, setting a pamphlet on my lap before taking my hand tightly in hers. I look down at her hand before over at her.

"I know how hard this has to be on you, sweetheart. You're doing great though, and we're doing everything we can to help you." She says softly with a small smile. I just nod my head.

"Alright. Well, if you're feeling okay and that you're not going to be sick, then you're free to go. I'll see you on Friday." She informs me before standing and leaving.

I change back into my gray ripped skinny jeans and toss Jiminie's black hoodie over my head and on, slipping into my sneakers before grabbing my bag and heading out. It's essentially become standard and normal for me to be wearing his hoodies and my jeans together at this point.

Pulling my hood up and slipping the sunglasses on, I walk out of the building and over to my truck. Getting in, I head off to the press conference. When I get there, I switch the sunglasses for my regular glasses and pull the hood down before stepping out.

Paparazzi instantly surround me as I get out and head in. I just keep my head ducked as I walk through the crowd, stopping and signing some things for a couple fans that actually showed up before getting inside. Ruffling my hair, I don't bother to pull myself together any more than I am now before I join the others out in front of everyone.