I want to know you |-/ joshler

Voices

Mmmm

Stop

No go away

Mmmmmmm

"Tyler? Hey you gotta get up buddy" a gentle voice stirs

I open my eyes to see I'm still in my room.

The vision of hell was simply a dream.

Josh is here too

Josh is also shirtless?

"Hey josh" I say

Josh smiles and looks over from the door "Hey Tyler. Your mom made waffles. Let's go!"

I roll my eyes but truthfully I'm just as excited as he is.

My mother hasn't made waffles in years. She used to cook a lot when we were all still little. Heart shaped pancakes for Valentine's Day, green dyed eggs and biscuits for st. Patrick's Day. And my all time favorite, candy cane flavored waffles on my birthday.

I think those were some of my happiest childhood memories.

I never understood why she stopped. We all loved and appreciated them. And we also made sure to let her know. It's just, she changed.

Our sweet story book family just changed.......

Dad got busy. Mom suddenly stopped caring about the little things, and my sibling all kind of did their own thing.

I guess there's no reason to complain, I mean They haven't really even noticed the differences. I guess maybe everything happened normally.

Maybe I'm the only one that changed.

"Yo Tyler" josh pops back in the room snapping me out of my trance.

I look up startled suddenly remembering my train of thought problem.

"Come on man. I'm not waiting for you anymore" josh urges. 

I laugh and stand to join him downstairs.

I wonder if we'll have one of those story book moments again.

Downstairs a tray of waffles and a bowl of fruit is laid out. Mom is pouring coffee into dad's cup. Dad is reading the paper. My siblings however are no where in sight.

There are some dishes in the sink. So perhaps they've left already. Or I've been out of it longer than I thought.

Dad puts the paper on the table, thanks my mother and motions for us to sit.

Uh oh.

Suddenly waffles doesn't seem so homey anymore.

I cautiously sit awaiting a lecture. Josh is eagerly cramming food down his throat, not not greedily. No he's just got an iron stomach. Makes sense.  Or maybe he doesn't get enough food at home.

"So Tyler we need to talk about all of this. Your friend Hosh brought it to our attention that you jumped out of a tree?"

Immediately josh tenses and I hold my breath. I don't have the words to describe what's happening.

"Umm dad?" I start

Dad shakes his head to say don't interrupt.

"Look son. I know you like climbing trees and stuff but you can't be making such reckless choices. Especially in your junior year of high school. I mean dammit Tyler what the hell was the point in all these years of training and drills if you're just going to break your arms before you get a basketball scholarship. Hell Tyler that's it. No more woods. No more climbing. You get scouted then we can revisit."

My mom pours herself some coffee and sits.
"Look Tyler we just love you and don't want to see you hurt. Or throw away something you're so close to getting. You are quite lucky josh found you yesterday. And also. Your father and I have discussed this situation. Josh is welcome here as long as he needs. We just ask you help out as much as Tyler does, keep your school life in check, and stick to curfew. All kids are supposed to be in by 10 on school nights and 11 on weekends. If there's a problem with anything we will discuss."

I look at josh who's still eating and enjoying the spread.

I guess they've had time to talk this over rather than tell us both together. I didn't quite realize everyone had gotten so. So. Cozy.

I nod and begin to eat. Then my parents go about their business. Typical.

I try to kill myself and they think I'm being reckless.

"What the hell I thought you said you weren't trying to kill yourself!!!!!" A voice whispers.

Josh is chugging a glass of water. And I'm positive I didn't say that out loud.

But. This voice.

It wasn't Josh

It wasn't me

It wasn't. Blurry

It was a girl.