Jones 2

Chapter 11: Angie

Great Big Storm~ Nate Ruess

ANGIE'S POV// 2nd period

Right now my math class is stuck in the parking lot because of a fire drill. Daniel doesn't have math with me so I'm hanging by Julia because she's the only person I know in this class. This kid that went to my middle school also goes to my high school. His name is Joey. I didn't know him but I always saw him wandering around. He was in the performing arts program which is why I never really knew him. Joey is also friends with Julia so the three of us are just standing awkwardly in a circle in the middle of the parking lot. 

"The two of you should fuck," Joey says out of nowhere. Julia and I look at each other both out of embarrassment and shame. That's not something you say to strangers. 

"My girlfriend will definitely not like that," I say mentioning Paulina hoping he'll stop.

"Dude, what the fuck? Aren't you gay? Why are you fantasizing about you girls fucking?" Julia fires back.

"I'm sure your girlfriend would be totally into it. Like watching or maybe she'd even join in," Joey says with a girly smile on his face before biting his finger. "Think about it, you two are both, what? Bi? Then. Why not try some shit out? This is high school. It's just the place to do it," He adds to his point.

"If she didn't have a girlfriend then hell yes I'd be down but we literally just met I'd never do that," Julia says and I feel sort of flattered.

"Same," Is all I say.

I don't remember the last time I was this miserable with myself. I remember being miserable when that whole thing happened with Daniel but I don't recall being this upset for no reason. I don't have a valid reason to hate myself. I hate myself because I can't be with Paulina and I keep blaming myself. She keeps blaming me. It's my fault I can't go to school with her. It's my fault I can't control my mom's decision. It's my fault she's too selfish to even consider switching for me. Right? I love my girlfriend. Believe me, I do. But when you're dating someone, in a relationship with them, some compromise has to be made even if you don't want to. That's the rule of thumb in a relationship. Somethings will literally tear at you but if you really love that person then you'd rather bleed than to see them unhappy. When it comes to Paulina, cut me open. In some relationships, the person doing all the bleeding is also the one putting all the bandages on the person they're bleeding for. My reason for saying this is because Paulina needs more bandages than I do and she isn't bleeding. She'll always need bandages. She isn't someone who needs fixing. She isn't broken but she thinks she is. There is nothing wrong with her. But she needs bandages. You can't love someone back to life. I've tried with Paulina. She has these things about her and she can tell you these stories about herself that will make your hair turn white. She doesn' come out and directly say how bad she needs love but you can feel it from her. For so long she was never shown the love she deserved by anything which is why she believes that if she shuts out everyone there is no possibility of getting hurt. You can't blame people for treating other people like shit when their reasoning has the power to turn your heart into stone. Insecurities come with a lot of shit that most people can't handle. Especially fourteen-year-old girls. A lot of us have insecurities we don't even know about and we will always have them because we are preprogrammed to believe that something is wrong with us. We are raised to believe that we need fixing and that we need help. We don't. They tell us these things so they can give their sons someone to fix. Someone to wife. Someone to break all over again. There are girls who primp and pluck until they're sore. There are girls who hate themselves so much they blame their parents and their way of getting back at their parents are either dating a woman or a black guy. Why do they do this? Because the two things all parents hate seeing is their daughter with another girl or a black dude. Now, these girls don't know why they do this but they do these things because its routine. It's tradition. No one and I mean no one is going to hit you harder than life. A person has two jobs in his lifetime. First to learn and second to cope. We have to cope with what we learned. That's what makes us people. We find something worth learning and then we learn to cope with it. Where am I going with this? Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. I'm just as entitled to telling my story like everyone else is. 

I find nothing wrong with Paulina but when if you've known her for as long as I have you get to really know her. You get to understand why she's the way she is. Why she's reserved. Why she is mysterious. Why she's secretive. I have no place judging her and embarrassing her for being the way she is. All people are the way they are for a reason whether it be because of a traumatic childhood experience, childhood itself, or loss. These are only some of the variation of psychological confusion. A person's psychological state of being is nothing to shame.   You can't fault someone for thinking the way they do and having the mindset they do. All people think differently. That's the universal effect of psychology. It's fascinating how it works and it's even more mind-blowing how God personally created all of us to be different. 

"Why do you keep smiling at your phone?" Daniel asks when he notices me smiling down at my phone.

"Because Paulina said she's gonna stay after school to see me," I smile.

"Jesus, can't you stop talking about her for like two minutes? fuck," Daniel says.

"You asked," I shrug. "Why do you even eat lunch with me anyway," I ask and plaster a disgusted look on my face.

"Who else are we gonna sit with Angie?" He strikes.

"Good point. But can I ask you something?" I ask.

"No, but you're probably gonna ask me anyway," He says and twirls at his salad.

"Why do you care so much about Paulina? Like why are you so jealous?" I ask and focus my attention on what he's about to say.

"Isn't it obvious?" He says and holds his hands out.

"Holy shit. No way!" I shriek. "You still have feelings for me," I say and smile. 

"Dude, it's been a year. find a boyfriend or something," I scoff. "And since when did you start wearing watches? You said they make you look too Armenian," I laugh and hand at his watch.

"Uh, you're one to talk. Since when do you straighten your hair? You said it highlights your white side too much," He laughs. I start laughing with him but when we catch ourselves enjoying each other's company too much we stop. The bell rings and Daniel and I get up from the new table we adopted. Daniel walks me to my English class after we stop at our lockers.

"Angie, Daniel," I hear a voice call from behind us. We both turn around and see Julia speed walking to catch up with us. 

"Daniel, I meant to ask you. Are you a homosexual? Do you like boys or girls," Julia asks and for some strange reason, I feel a ball of fire start to flame inside of me.

"Are you kidding me? You don't ask people that," I say and furrow my brows at her.

"I happen to not be sorry to disappoint," Daniel lies and I'm shocked he didn't tell her. 

"Are you sure?" Julia asks and turns to look at me.

"That was weird. Why didn't you tell her?" I ask when Julia walks away.

"She probably wanted to set me up with that weird kid, Joey, if I told her," He says.

"Well, I kinda already told her," I say and hold my breath.

"What the hell Angie? Why would you do that?" He yells.

"because Daniel, she asked if you and I were dating," I defend.

"Why didn't you say yes? We could be a fake couple to avoid weird people asking us out through high school," he says.

"Oh hell no. I'm not dating you even if it's fake," I say and walk into my English class. From outside I see Daniel staring at my every move for thirty seconds before walking away. I can tell I disappointed him but I'm not his puppet to boss around. He thinks he can because Paulina and Crystal aren't here to fuck him up but high school Angie is way different than middle school Angie. 

School is starting soon which means it'll take longer to produce chapters. Between school and work, I won't have much free time on my hands. I apologize in advance for the excessive amount of time it'll take to get new chapters out.