Jones 2

Chapter 17

That was then~ Isaac Gracie

TRIGGER WARNING: DEPRESSION

                    ISAAC'S POV// Dec. 4, 2015 Boulder Colorado

When I moved to Boulder, I wasn't in my best place. Everyday felt longer and longer and the people here were just odd. It wasn't like being in California.

This is my fourth month of therapy. I've been better. When I first moved here, I wasn't happy. I isolated myself from the few family members I have here and I started to ditch school even after my mom would drop me off. The days I took the bus to school I would just take the bus past my school and to this church. Everyday I walked by the church and the nice ladies inside would smile and they seemed welcoming. After awhile I decided to go to the church after school one Wednesday. That day changed my life. They taught me that pain is apart of growing up and if you suffer pain that means God gave you all the right senses. That also means you're stronger. I don't need Paulina. I could pretend she was a figment of my imagination and like she doesn't exist now but the problem is she does and she's on Angie's snapchat story every single fucking day so J can't get away from her.

When i sat through one of the services at Pinewood Church I didn't intend to really tune into the lecture. But the pastor started talking about love and mistakes and my ears rang. He said love takes two people. Imagine two people holding a rope but eventually one person lets go of one side and walks away. The connection is broken. The pain lasts longer when that other person continues to stand there still holding their end of the rope. The pain ends when that person drops their piece, picks up the rope, wraps it up and puts it somewhere where no one will bother it. I decided I was done holding my end of the rope when Paulina walked away ages ago. I picked up our rope and fucking threw it in the ocean. No one will bother it. Right? I love Paulina and I always will but she let go of our rope.
I have a new girlfriend now. She's sweet. Genuine. Her names Daniella. We've been dating since October. Since I met her I've felt like my life had. purpose again as cheesy as that sounds. But it's true. Our relationship sort of matches the one i had with Paulina but she's not as freaky.

If you ever ask yourself if you're worth anything or if your life is worth carrying out that's how you know it's time to get help. I got my help and she's in the form of an Angel.
Today is Paulina's Birthday. She's 15. Where she's from, that means she's a woman. I'm heartbroken but not heartless. I go through my contacts and scroll down to her name. My finger hovers over the red unblock button. I unblock her number and without double thinking, I call her.

"Hello?" She picks up. My throat dries up when I hear her voice. It's been months since I've heard the tender depth of it. My arms tense up and it feels like my voice has been taken from me. (Little mermaid analogy not intended)

"Hello?" She says again bringing me back to reality.

"Hi," I say slowly.

"Isaac?" She asks sounding concerned.

"Yeah. Happy birthday," I say in a calm tone. I can feel the blank stare on my face get hot as if my eyes are preparing themselves for tears.

"Isaac Oh my god," she says with a shaky voice.

"Yes?" I ask trying not to push her away. Angie told me how she reacted when she found out I left without saying goodbye so i figured since it's her birthday, I'd give her the time of day.

"How are you?" she asks in a lower tone.

"Good," I like so I don't have to explain everything to her.

"That's good," She says trying to keep the conversation going.

"I miss you," she says after a long pause. How do I respond to this? Truthfully or not?

"Hello?" She asks after not hearing me for a while.

"I miss you too Pauls," I say trying to hold back tears.

PAULINAS POV//

When Isaac calls me by the name he used to, my heart feels heavy and my eyes feel warm. I'm on the phone with my ex boyfriend in my girlfriends bedroom. Isn't that such a Paulina move?

"I'll talk to later ok?" he says. Part of me doesn't ever want to hang up the phone but the other half of me wants to hang up and never hear his voice again just for my own good.

"Ok," I say.

"Ok," He says and the line goes dead.

I put my face in my hands and force back the feelings that are dying to come out. I use my sleeve to wipe my nose and throw my phone on Angie's bed. My back rests against the edge of her bed and I tuck my knees under my chin.

"Fuck," I curse and wipe my eyes.

"Does this look infected to you?" Angie asks the second she walks into her room. Thankfully she interrupted the disturbing feelings I was havingZ

"Angie what the fuck? What did you do now?" I ask her when she shows me a cut on her index finger.

"I don't know! I was trying to open the package that came for my mom and this happened," she whines.

"Fuck Angie," I say and examine the deep cut on her finger.

"It hurts," She wines.

"Well no shit you decided to shove a fucking knife in your finger. Just don't fall asleep. It looks like it's bleeding a lot," I say and go back to wallowing in my knees.

She sings on her bed with a mini first aid kid she pulled out from her nightstand and starts tending to the wound on her finger.

"Oh. Here," She says and holds down a bottle of water for me.

"Thanks," I say and cradle the bottle in my chest.

"Have you been on the floor this whole time?" She asks me after chugging half the bottle she had.

"Yeah," I blankly say and she grunts. I twist open the bottle and drink some water to wash away the salty tear flavor in my mouth. After, I let out a heavy burp and feel like my body has just been cleansed.

"You're disgusting," I hear Angie say from her bed.

"Fuck off," I say and smack her foot that's hanging next to me. I get up off the floor and toss myself on her bed.

"So Isaac called me to wish me a happy birthday," i say looking into Angie's eyes as she stuffs popcorn in her mouth. I'm expecting her to either be really mad and storm out of her room or be really sad and burst into tears.
She does neither.

"Really? Are you ok?" She asks me and stops what she's doing.

"Not really," I answer honestly.

"I know bubba. He's far away and he didn't exactly give you proper closure," she says and I'm surprised to hear how understanding she's being right now.

"mHm," is all I can say because if I say anything more, I'll actually start crying.

"It's ok, you have your annoying Angie," she says. She grads my shoulders and pulls me into her lap. She gives me a massive bear hug and reassures me that I didn't really lose much.

HI ALL!! I'm positive there is a absurd amount of typos but I literally jumped out of my sleep to get this chapter out because I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I was going to put in it. I did type this on my phone so yes, I's might be lowercase and commas might be missing but it's all good!