Jones 2

Chapter 22

10:37~ Beach House

Work~ Charlotte Day Wilson

May 13, 2016

PAULINAS POV// 

The way my life has changed drastically over the last two months without Angie is astonishing. The fact that I have to go to school everyday and see Crystal give me dirty looks just for existing doesnt miss me by far. I mean, I get it. She's hated me from the start but has been able to tolerate me throughout middle school. What eats at me everyday is the fact that I go to school with fucking Crystal but not Angie. Its like the universe knew to send me through a full 180 whirlpool. I deserve that. I genuinely deserve that. 

Today is bright and sunny but for some reason feels like its coated in a grey haze that casted a sadness over the entire world. Maybe its just me. Maybe it's a sign I have to turn something around before it has a chance to worsen. Typically speaking, I would never be the first one to chase somebody but my entire body and mind is telling me I need to talk to Angie. She is a staple in my life. Like that shirt from 8th grade everyone refuses to get rid of. Awful analogy but you get the point. I make the decision to just text her when I get home from school. 

ANGIES POV// 

Today feels like work. Just too much energy is desired by everything and everyone. It hasnt even been 48 hours since I heard about my dad and it honestly feels like I've been going through this day for hours and hours and hours. I opted out of school today to accompany my mom and my dads girlfriend to the funeral home and mortuary. I never though that at 15, I would be in a place like this picking out the perfect color urn for my dad. I never thought that I would even lose a parent. They seem indestructable, like they'd last forever. My whole body and mind have been in shock and thinking just isnt happening. Holding proper, lenghty conversations seem physically unbearable right now. I made had half a piece of toast with butter today and a few sips of orange juice. My body even refuses to take crare of itself. It didn't feel normal. I felt so disconnected from myself right now like my brain is sitting in the seat next to me and Im stuck staring at it. 

I just sat in my bed. Staring at the the weird strings hanging from my rug. I dont know how to feel. My mom is tight with money because, of course, we werent execting this. My dads on ice. Just waiting. Not even living. His carcass is just being. This fucking suck and the problem is the person I want to talk to most is nowhere to be found. 

After chipping the remaining nail polish off my nails, my floors a mess and I'm back to thinking. Out of nowhere my phone buzzes. 

Seeing the contact instantly sends 400 volts of electricity through my body. Its Paulina. 

*Hello*

I'm not really sure how to respond. Its been two months. Granted thats not that long but still, she feels like a stranger. My fingers tap dance along the surface of my phone frozen with 30 different emotions. My dad just died, my best friend turned girlfriend turned ex is now contacting me. Everything seems to be happening so fast there is literally no time to respond to anything. I put my phone down and just wait.I sit at the edge of mom bed and stare at the small pile of shirts I kept of my dads. My eyes feel heavy but I hold back my tears and pick up my phone. Instead of gushing and responding with an open mind I choose to take a more formal, more mutual approach to Paulina's message.

 All I can think about is why. Why now did she want to talk to me? Did someone tell her about my dad? Why was she still able to contact me if she said she hated me so much? Why did she want to talk to me? Just why. 

It's not like I didn't want to talk to her. Before my dad, I was only sad about Paulina. healing was no where near me. My friends were getting tired of me being so sad all the time. Like I said, it had only been two months but still I felt like I was dying. Everything around me was sure to start suffering sooner or later. 

*hi* I respond making sure everything is lowercase so it doesn't seem like I'm eager to talk to her. 

*its been a while. how have u been ?* she sends back probably seven minutes later. I guess we're going to start playing the texting wait game so I wait about five minutes before responding. 

We go back and forth and it turns out she never knew about my dad. She said she just had a gut feeling all day to get in contact with me. I told her it was probably because, two days before that, my dad died. It was all jokes in my case but I think she thought I was serious. I genuinely feel like I'm not living in reality so Paulina texting me is honestly laughable. How is this even real. The most invincible person I knew had just proven me wrong and now this. Everything felt like a fever dream that was no where near finished. I was hoping this was all just a false reality my brain created to protect my soul from the trauma of losing a parent but sure enough this was real. 

*I wanna see u* she texts at the end of a lenghty conversation of condolences and grief. I can't lie and say i don't want to see her. I mean, of course I do but this can't be right. None of this is the right time. All of this is bad timing. 

*that would be nice* as fucking awkward as it sounds, thats really all I could tell her. It genuinely would be nice but is this a trap? She deleted my instagram account two months ago because of how spiteful she can be. I'm not even sure if this is the real Paulina I'm talking to right now. She has been so different since we left middle school and its scary because the older she gets the sneaker, the slyer, and the stranger she gets. I wasn't sure how this was going to turn about but what fucking ever, I'm just going to go with it. 

*after school on tuesday? since I can stay late?* she texts. I seriously wasn't expecting her to make plans that fast but god almighty she did. 

*idk. I'm not sure. are you sure you want to? is this even real?* I ask finally questioning her intentions.

*yeah. I see ur frazzled but like I want us to be back in each others lives* she responds. I guess I can see her through her dissonance however I still don't trust it.

*I suppose. I mean either way I have to get off my bus to get home but I guess this time you'll be at the old bus stop you used to wait at?* I asl

*yes ill be waiting for you. we need to talk in person* she says.

I wasn't sure how to feel about the whole situation. Im already thinking about a billion and one things and this just adds to the stress. At the same time it kind of relieves one of my biggest burdens. I was sad about this for two months and her coming back should have fixed what I've been asking for right? I'm not sure how to feel, it all just feels fake. Like the impossible is all happening at once to prove something radical to me. 

PAULINA'S POV//

After texting Angie, my soul feels the relief its been craving for a month now. Breaking up with her felt like the right, adult move to make but after a while it started to feel like a gaping hole that started to hurt over time. I had no idea her dad died and when she told me everything that happened at school today started to make sense. Me feeling like shit from the time I woke up till the time I talked to Angie. I don't know how she feels and I'm scared I freaked her out but I can't wait to talk to her. I hope she doesn't hate my guts pr feel any differently towards me. I honest to God don't believe things will go right back to the way they were immediately but this time I'm actually going to try. 

We made plans to see each other on Tuesday but instead of just rushing right into 'I want you to be my girlfriend again', I'm going to take it easy and walk on feather because of everything she's been through. This probably couldn't have made her situation any better, me just dumping this on her so suddenly, but I want my girlfriend back.