My Rebel With a Halo

Chapter 29

Justin's POV

I slid my sunglasses over my eyes, looking one more time in the mirror, before grabbing my phone and heading to the livingroom where the guys were.

Christian, Chaz, Ryan, Austin and I decided to go to the beach. Summer was a perfect time to soak up the sun and check out whoever was there also. I was relieved and excited. I really needed this.

The past few days without Selena have been different. I decided to take all the pain that filled my heart and let it leak away. After I drained it, it left me empty. I felt nothing. My interest for everything around me, died down.

But, it was okay. Because atleast I was back to being Justin. The Justin before I met Selena. Before I let her change every part of me that I was okay with. This time was different though. Because when I looked in the mirror, I saw something worse than the old Justin. I didn't know what it was, but I just knew I wasn't going back to the Justin that was with Selena. I didn't need love. I never did. And after experiencing it's side effects, I never will again. Specially not for Selena.

"Yo man what took you so long?" Austin said as he saw me come in to the livingroom.

"Swag takes time guys." I shrugged grinning. "Have to look good for the girls man." I slumped into the sofa, sitting next to Chaz.

"The girls?" Christian asked.

"Who the fuck else am I supposed to look good for? The whales?" I joked making the guys chuckle.

"Sorry man. It's just.." Christian cleared his throat. I looked at him seriously, waiting for him to continue. "You just went through a hard breakup, I-"

He stopped talking once he saw me trying to contain my laughter. "You think I give a shit about some girl who goes around sleeping with other guys?"

The guys looked at me confused and quiet for awhile.

"Justin." Austin spoke up. "You love-"

"Loved. E-D. Loved. All that shit does is weaken you. When you love someone, it emotionally strips you down to them. They can see every weakness point, every vulnerable side of you. Gives them a chance to hurt you. You think I'm going to let anyone do that again? No."

The guys looked at me worried. As if they saw 'pain' written across my face. They thought I was hurting, they thought I was on the verge of a break down. But what they didn't see, was that I was just back to being Justin.

"Good news though. I'm back to being old Justin." I smiled at them.

They awkwardly sat there still looking at me, trying to read me. Until Chaz spoke.

"So, does this mean we can smoke whenever?"

"Of course man."

"And we can go back to all the parties?" Christian asked.

"Why wouldn't we." I chuckled.

"And get with the hottest girls in LA?"

"What do you think has been taking over my mind?"

"Aye! JUSTIN'S BACK!" Austin hollered along with Chaz and Christian.

I laughed standing up. "Well the fuck are we waiting for? Let's go to the beach already guys."

All the guys stood up and we all started walking out the door and to the car, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I looked over at Ryan.

"Justin I know you're not okay."

"You know?" I looked at him puzzled.

Ryan looked at me directly in the eye. "You still love her. You miss her and you want her back. This is just a way of you covering up all the pain that's inside. You're shutting everything out."