Seeing Through My Eyes (Dramione Fanfiction)

26

Draco woke in the guest bedroom of his apartment, tangled in a mess of his huge feather duvet and uncomfortably sticky, wet clothing.

He rolled out of the covers and on to the beige carpet feeling very uneasy.

He had spent most of the night standing outside number 12 Grimauld Place in the pouring rain trying to pluck up the courage to knock on the door.

No matter the urgency he felt, he couldn't bring himself to barge through that door. Couldn't bring himself to walk back into her life and hurt her all over again. Couldn't bring himself to admit that he had acted like a complete fool. His pride was too much.

He stood there most of the night staring at the dimly lit room he knew to be Hermione's room. He spent a few good hours rehearsing a spiel on what he'd say to the gorgeous muggle-born witch. No matter how he worded it, everything sounded stupid. The harder he tried, the stupider it sounded.

How in the world do you convince someone you were bullshitting them when you stared them dead in the eyes and told them everything you felt for them was just a game you'd grown tired of playing? He wondered to himself. Would she even believe him?

He already knew the answer because truthfully, he wouldn't have been stupid enough to believe it either.

And Hermione Granger was everything far from stupid. That much he knew.

After hours of pacing up and down the sidewalk, clothes fully drenched through now, he decided that the only thing left was to knock on the door and come clean.

Admit that he had been a fool and tell her everything. Tell her that he was afraid of being hurt and afraid of losing her. He needed to own up to the fact that his over possessive and paranoid nature were the only things that screwed this beautiful union up. It was all him and he was immensely regretful.

Even then, he broke her heart. He didn't even give her a chance. So why in Merlin's Mandrake would she be willing to give him one?

Because she loves you. His mind argued. Because she's an angel, a goddess, a queen and a saint. It protested.

All the more reason to leave her be. He argued back.

It occurred to him that he really didn't have the nerve nor the right to go marching up to her door, in the middle of the night no less, expecting a second chance.

Beaten down and defeated, Draco turned for the last time on the sidewalk and trudged on home.

Back in his apartment, the emptiness of it suddenly felt more charged and present than ever before.

Slouching towards his room, he grabbed his blanket off his bed and drifted off to the spare bedroom. Her bedroom.

Over the last two months, Draco had put on a brave face. He did the date thing with his betrothed like a good son whenever required and he played the part of the pompous, entitled pureblood he was raised to be.

But inside, he was slowly falling into a deep state of depression. His days were no longer of any value in his opinion and as each day passed, the more things mattered less to him.

It started with daily activities. Eating and cleaning up after himself, showering and getting up before noon. It all of a sudden became irrelevant.

Next came people. Their opinions, their feelings, their actions, words or activities. It all meant next to nothing to him. Why should it really?

As he became more and more emotionally detached from the world, he realized that this was a familiar feeling. A feeling he had before.

Before he had her.