Why can't I love you?

Tears Are Rolling Down My Cheeks, Faster Than A Waterfall

I was crying all night long that I didn't even realise that it was noon. My heart broke with each sob.

Marilla allowed me to stay at home today since I wasn't in an emotional state to go to school.

Another sob left my mouth.

After about ten minutes, there was a knock on my door.

"Go away."

"I'll pass." said Cole and opened the door.

"I came as soon as school was over."

"Is it noon already?"

"Yes."

I nodded and held the sheets tighter around me.

"He came to school today."

I looked up.

"His eyes were red."

I let a quiet whimper.

"You need to see him."

"I think I hurt him enough, Cole."

"Yeah, but you hurt yourself too."

"I don't care about myself."

"You should care."

"Gilbert is out there hurting, Cole. He is a priority and he always will be." I said my voice getting higher.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing..." I said my voice getting weak again.

"Gimme a hug." said Cole and I immediately feel into his arms.

"Why Cole? Why am I such a mess? Why do people still want to be around me?"

"Because, we love you."

"You shouldn't. I am a funny example of a friend." I said with a humorless laugh and shook my head.

"I don't want these words to come out of your mouth again." Cole looked at me strictly, letting go of the hug.

I just lookeda away.

"Look at me."

He helped me sit up while he was kneeling in front of my bed.

But, I just continued avoiding eye contact.

"I said. Look at me." said Cole and he turned my face lightly so I was looking at him.

"The Anne Shirley-Cuthbert I know wouldn't give up this easily and she definitely knows that she is stronger than whatever is thrown at her. Even, Gilbert knows that, I can tell. He looked for you today."

"He did?" I asked hopeful.

"Not exactly. But, his eyes didn't leave the door and your seat. It was like he was praying for you to appear out of thin air."

"He is too good for this world."

"I know but so are you."

I just hugged him again.

"Please, don't ever leave me. I need you in my life."

He just pulled me closer to him and said.

"I'm here to stay, love."

"Then, we'll figure this out together."

I said letting go of him and letting my pinky out.