The Bizarre Adventures of a Half-Elf

Seafood Inquiries

"What is an... abalone?" Charlotte squinted curiously at the messily painted menu that hung off the cart before her.

"I'dunno, bu' esh gud!" Grom answered around a mouthful of said substance.

Once Charlotte and Elric had arrived at the docks, they had found the Uruk staring longingly at the foods simmering in the large pots of the vendors. When asked why he didn't buy anything, he explained with a pout, "Tobias says I spend all my money on... frivi-....frava-.... Dumb things. He keeps it for me, but he's on a date with Gretta." Elric had then very charitably offered to buy Grom food, not quite realizing how much the Green Folk could fork into his gullet. Charlotte then volunteered to buy Elric's food, since she was sure the two of them combined still wouldn't be as expensive as Grom.

The Nephilim was perusing some creatures that looked like shelled spiders crawling around a bucket filled with seawater. "I will have one 'lobster'! Tell me, kind sir, how do you eat the shell?"

"Ya don't. Ya cook it in the shell, and then break it open," the swarthy cook replied, dunking his hand into the tank and pulling out one with a wicked-looking tail and sizable claws.

"It kind of looks like a big crayfish," Charlotte observed.

The cook nodded, "It is. Crayfish are freshwater, and lobsters are saltwater. They get bigger and have a different taste."

"Hm. I think I'll try one, as well."

Grom raised his hand, "I want one, too!"

"Grom, you have so much food already!" Elric argued, "Finish that first!" The Nephilim shook his head. Then his jaw dropped as the lobsters let out airy screams after being dropped into a pot of boiling water. "You don't kill it before you cook it?!" He asked, horrified.

The Half-Elf shook her head. "Keeping them alive ensures the meat stays fresh. And that sound isn't screaming-- it's the air escaping the cracks in their shells."

"What's wrong with screaming?" A voice came from below them. The trio looked downwards off the edge of the road to see Timoré sitting with his bare feet dangling over the side of a dock. He seemed to be staring at some of the little fish swimming in the shallow water.

Charlotte started "Depends on who-" but was interrupted by Grom as he waved down and shouted, "Hello, grumpy mage!" This was accompanied with food-infused spittle.

The mage turned his head up to look at them. "Ah, hello, Brute. Buckethead. Elf." He eyed each of them in turn.

"My helmet does not resemble a bucket," Elric protested primly.

It kind of did, but Charlotte wasn't going to say so. Instead she said, "What brings you here? Disappointed that fish don't drown?"

"Quite."

"He also lives near here," Grom piped up, "Gretta, Tobias, and I saw him come out of there." He pointed to the numerous buildings by the water.

Timoré rolled his eyes. "Yes, at the Bell and Water. Not that I want company or to be bothered there. Ever. If you ever have need of me, I will find you all. Otherwise I expect to be left alone."

"That's alright; as soon as we find a less-snarky healer, you may be out of the picture," Charlotte smiled sweetly, realizing she had probably picked the gesture up from Lady Clara.

But the Human didn't seem bothered, as he stood up and stretched his arms up overhead with his staff. "My dear, if you find a healer more personable than me, I can guarantee you that they won't be as talented."

Before anything more could be said, the food vendor cook called, "Order up!" Charlotte turned to find the lobsters piled neatly on two paper trays, their shells now a bright, cherry red color instead of the dark maroon they had once been. The cook had cracked them at the joints with a large pair of metal pliers, letting the hot steam rise from the shellfish and revealing the tender white flesh beneath. He then took a lemon and generously coated them with the sour juice. Pushing the trays towards Elric and Charlotte, he said, "It'll be easy to pull the shells apart with your hands and eat the meat inside. Enjoy."

"Thank you." Charlotte paid the man and took her tray, before gently pulling apart the meat with her fingers. She looked towards Elric and raised it up to him for a moment. "Cheers," she nodded, before slurping it down. The meat was tender and fluffy like crayfish, but the flavor was much sweeter with a hint of salt and tang. "Oh Archons, this is good," the Half-Elf praised.

Elric nodded with enthusiasm. "I agree! I did not know sea creatures could be so delectable!"

"Doesn't Numinas have a southern ocean border?" The rogue asked, moving along to find a place to sit down. Both Elric and Grom followed.

"Yes, but my brother and I lived more inland. What about you, Grom? Where are you from?"

The Uruk belched before replying, "From further north. Trying to get away from my tribe."

"Are you from the Ulfra?" Charlotte asked curiously.

But he shook his head. "No. My tribe went to find the Ulfra to join. But they seemed mean, so I left. People wouldn't talk to me at first, but then I found Gretta and Tobias. They were nice, and helped me talk to people without them being scared."

"It figures that the Damphyr and the Uruk would need a Human to get around," Timoré piped in from behind. Charlotte hadn't even realized he had climbed up to follow them down the walkway. "I bet you wouldn't last a day without Tobias."

Charlotte snorted. "You know, I thought you might have had a thing against Elves, but I think you're just racist."

Timoré regarded her cooly as she stared him down whilst continuing to try and open the lobster without looking at it. "Buckethead and the Brute are fine by me. They're useful in many regards. I don't like the Damphyr because I like my neck intact. And I just don't like Elves."

"I can't say I like them much either, but I have a personal reason."

"Who says I don't?"

The Half-Elf was taken aback at that. "Oh. Well, I-" But she was cut off as one of the Crimson Guard ran up to them, panting heavily. "Oh, thank the Emperor I've found you lot! There's a Spriggan come to town!"

The group shared a surprised look. "A Spriggan? You're quite sure?" Charlotte asked the guard.

She nodded profusely. "Yes, miss! At the front gate! Says it's 'ere for the House War!"

Elric's eyebrow raised. "At the front gate? It didn't come from the Ghost Wood?"

"Patrols didn't see it circlin' the perimeter! It arrived with a Half-Elf!"

"That's weird... I suppose we should check it out. I'm not done, though," Charlotte whined. 

However, Grom simply finished his food in two large gulps. "I have to go back to the inn! Tobias says I can't walk around with my sword!"

"I must return, as well, to gather my armor and shield," Elric said.

"I need to head back, too," Charlotte nodded. "We'll grab our gear and reconvene at the front gate." She looked at Timoré, who had started to walk in the opposite direction. "That means you, Sparky! We need your magic!"

He froze in defeat. "I thought you said I was out of the picture."

"Not just yet."

**AN: Hello, lovely readers! Next chapter will be a collaboration with RyanneBlackman! So prepare for a different perspective/writing style!