14 - Look What You Made Me Do

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Dear Diary,

Zac is back. I was so happy to see his handsome face and charming smile again. My heart started to beat faster as soon as I laid my eyes on him.  I went back to our memories. The time when he used to kiss me, the time when he used to make me smile. Everything flashed in front of my eyes. I thought to meet him and say hi. I didn't think about asking him about Avril, I just wanted to hear his voice. He was walking towards the coffee shop which was famous for making the most delicious coffee in Brooklyn. I and Zac used to go there every time and talk our heart out to each other. I ran after him to talk but he broke my heart again. I saw him hugging another girl who was waiting for him inside the coffee shop. They looked happy, I stood outside the shop watching him through the glass, laughing and talking to that blond girl. I couldn't bear looking at them anymore, so I just ran off from there. He broke me again. I just can't----

I exerted a force digging my pen's tip inside the paper in anger. That put a pressure on my hand and reopened my wound. My hand started bleeding again. I was so angry at Zac that I took the Paris snow globe which Zac gifted me without an occasion and threw it on the wall in a great force. When I came to my senses I regretted it too much that I ran and tried to stick the broken pieces of it. Unfortunately, It was broken into a hundred pieces. I was so careless while collecting them that the glass cut my hand. I can't believe that I broke the thing which was so close to my heart. I had never acted like this before. Sometimes I just don't recognize myself. Why I still care? 

I was sitting on the floor, staring the broken pieces which couldn't be mend now. I was sick of crying every time. I just couldn't cry anymore. I took my phone and decided to text him. I made a new profile on WhatsApp, added his number and started typing.

Hey, you piece of shit. Delete Delete Delete

Who were you hugging in the coffee shop? Delete Delete Delete

Was Avril your first kiss?  Sent

He saw my message right away, I was shaking from inside. Every fiber of my body was praying that there would be no such thing. That he says it's all a lie. It was now one minute since he saw my message, but there was no reply from him. He didn't say anything. At that moment I finally got my answer. 

Tears started rolling down my eyes no matter how hard I tried to control it

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Tears started rolling down my eyes no matter how hard I tried to control it. The hope which kept me sane was now lost. I have had enough of crying, now it was showtime. I am gonna make him answer for my every single pain. I would wait for him for years but not anymore. It was over from my side too. I stood up from the floor, picked up a broom and dusting pan, swept away the broken pieces of glass and shove it inside the dustbin. 

It was almost six in the evening now. I had to go see Mason, I wanted to talk to him. I think now I  was ready for the thing he suggested to me before.  A real boyfriend never gives up on his girl. He fights for her. Zac left me. I was going to survive this. I am ready to let him go.

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