Roommates (2doc/Studoc AU)

V

As I sit alone on the couch, I let the tears stream down my face. Why did I care so much? Because he was the only guy that really ever did anything signifying caring for my existence? Because I was drunk and focused on overanalyzing every little detail of our friendship? Who in god's (or in Murdoc's case, Satan, I should say) fucking name knows? More importantly, who can help me?

I took out my phone again. It was flooding in notifications from bullies who were never really exposed to true love growing up to actually know you can't pick and choose who you love based on who has the biggest rack or the prettiest face. That's not the way it works whatsoever. Love is blind, but that doesn't mean I can force myself to like girls. Frankly, the thought of being with one makes me sick

I go to my downloaded music to find myself torn between Amy Winehouse, Joy Division, or New Order. On one hand, we've got an alcoholic with all kinds of songs about heartbreak, Joy Division which has someone who knows what the fuck sadness is. He sings every thought on my mind when I feel empty. But New Order. New Order might be Joy Division with Bernard Sumner replacing Ian Curtis after he died, and although it does have some similarities, it does quite differ in the sadness sound. It makes you wanna cry and dance at the same. Currently, though, I don't want to dance. I want to wallow in self-pity. Joy Division it is.

I know Unknown Pleasures is the biggest album, but I can't help myself. It's one of those classic albums that no matter how big it is, it's still so relevant and amazing in my heart. As the bass line to Disorder starts, I lie down on the couch and drift to sleep.

"I didn't fucking raise you to be a fag!"

Earlier that night my dream took place, I came out to my parents. My mom was fine. It seemed she couldn't care less about it, but dad had to go and make a big deal about it. He always did this. We were never close. I don't think I ever had a time period in my life where I could say we actually got along.

When he would hurt me, I'd try to hide behind Mom, but of course, I stopped after her protecting me got her hurt too.

She never wanted to get a divorce because she always thought that no matter how bad it was, it could always be worked out. Obviously not. Sadly enough, I could never manage to convince her.

I'm not sure if I'm mad at her for that, but I know I'm sure as hell pissed at him.

"Stu, are you okay?" He rushed to my side.

Alarmed from my dream, I jumped awake and saw Murdoc over my face.

"You were dreaming about something, I think," He told me with a troubled face. "Think you can stay awake for another Forensic Files binge?" He asked me, removing his shirt and making his way to his bedroom.

"Yeah, I think. What time is it?" I asked him.

"Half-past two in the morning. You've been out for a long time now." He called from his room.

Not long after, he came back in fuzzy PJ pants that had little red devils on them and an Ozzy shirt and plopped down on the couch beside me. I was wrapped up in the blanket he gave me the first night I got there and without warning, he reached over and pulled it from my shoulders, wrapping himself up too. After anxious hesitation, I scooted a tad closer to him and placed my head on his shoulder.

"Courtney broke up with me," He said out of nowhere.

"Mudz, what? are you okay? What happened?"

"Oh, I'm fine. And really, it was more I broke up with her. We were at the bar and I went to take a piss and when I got back she was making out with some bald guy so I ended it. I'm just tired of her thinking she could get away with shit like that." He said so nonchalantly.

"Dude, I'm really sorry-"

"Oh, don't be. I've been trying to find an excuse to leave that whorebag anyway."

"You cold?" He asked, pulling me in closer with the blanket. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and what went from us sitting somewhat suspiciously close to each other became us full-on cuddling. Not that I'm complaining, it just made me feel surprisingly warm. Not from the skin-to-skin contact, but I felt warmer on the inside. For once, I feel like I'm in a good place in my life. Who can really complain about something like that?

A/N just to let you know, as of 5-12-22, there are some changes to the original storyline, this is a republish after I edited some stuff that I no longer think is okay (and some continuity errors and grammar and spelling, etc.) so please take a bit to reread the previous chapters, as there are some substantial changes