Without The Thought of Him

today

December 21st. Sandra's eighteenth and probably the most stressful day of Isaac's life.

Not only was he responsible for picking up the helium balloons at Party City, he was also going to have to socialize tonight.

And by socializing, Isaac was going to be surrounded by at least a hundred people. One-hundred drunk and straight people.

"You don't even fucking know a hundred people! What the hell are you doing?" Isaac vividly remembers the conversation he had with his friend when she mentioned the insane amount of people she already invited. "I don't think a hundred people are even going to be able to fit in your house!"

"Come on, Is. I doubt all one-hundred people are actually going to show up." Sandra rolls her eyes fondly, glancing over at him on the floor playing Mario Kart from her spot on the couch. "You know I just did it so the most amount of people will show up, if I know them or not. You know I'm an extra piece of shit who loves attention, you shouldn't expect any less from me!"

And honestly, the girl was right. He knew he should've expected such a bold move from his best friend. God, he wondered what it was like not living with a mental illness and poor communication skills.

So being in charge of decorating for that many people definitely contributed to the immense amount of stress he was experiencing the past couple of days. He knew he was just overthinking it and that all of the decorations would be destroyed or drenched in alcohol by the end of the night, but he still really felt the pressure. He wanted Sandra's birthday to be amazing because she deserved it, especially after their drama.

Speaking of stupid ass drama, that was another reason why Isaac was pretty much shitting himself all week long. Sam was invited to Sandra's party, even after all the unnecessary shit he caused for the both of them.

Isaac was walking home from school when Sandra calls him and tells him the very unfortunate news.

"Is, I know you're going to hate me and you have every right to. Fuck, I even hate myself for this." was never a settling way to start a conversation. "I accidentally invited Sam to my birthday. But I doubt he'll go because all of the drama and shit, but still Isaac! Fuck!"

Isaac's heart sinks all the way to the concrete he was now standing still on, feeling so overwhelmed that he had to stop his walking to kind of process the fact that he might have to interact with fucking Sam.

The girl did have a point, there was absolutely no reason for Sam to go to this party. Sam knew they were both going to be there, so why be around people he was involved in beef with? But then again, all of his friends were invited and were for sure attending.

Isaac tried not to think about the possibility too much, just for the sake of his mental health, but it was definitely in the back of his mind. Sam said and meant every word he said in those DMs and Isaac wasn't even sure what to do or how to act upon it. Obviously just ignoring it and pretending it didn't happen has been the easy way out of confrontation but for how long could he keep this all inside? Isaac was trying to get over the stupid fucking boy, but it's been hard knowing Sam had feelings for him.

Part of him wanted Sam to be at the party so they could finally talk about what happened, but now knowing for a fact how the boy felt about him made it all ten times scarier. Whatever happened was going to happen for a reason. Well, that's what Isaac hoped anyways.

There was about an hour until the party started and Isaac was sitting in Sandra's room, along with some of her other close friends, while she got ready for the night. The room smelled like expensive perfume and weed, but Isaac didn't really mind it.