Thoughts From 1:00 a.m.

Depression

Depression. 

It's like you're drowning, yet every single person around you can breathe. They tell you just try and breathe, but every time you take in water instead of air. It fills your lungs and all you can think is 'How much more can I take?' How long before I burst?

You fade in and out of reality. You lose track of what's real and what isn't. Your thoughts cloud your judgement. You can't tell if your living or surviving, but is there really a difference? You can tally your arms to keep track of every time you slipped. You can listen to waves of demons and let them win. 

We may fight, we may survive. Each day is battle and each night is war. There are no breaks when you're up against your own. You get broken down, defeated, but you still can't escape. Not when it sits with you all day. 

Now, don't pity me when I can't breathe. I'm trying to float instead of sink. With cinderblocks tied to your feet it's no wonder you can't breathe. My hands are tied, I can't get loose. Maybe I'm destined to lose this fight. I try to scream, but no one can hear. Anxiety says 'Let me take it from here!'

My depression is a part of me. It's attached to my sanity. It goes where I go and always gets the best of me. It beats me when I'm down, flips my mood upside down. Takes my biggest mistakes and makes them look like they make up who I am. But, do I really know who I am?