Thoughts From 1:00 a.m.

Freezing

I feel cold. Shivering in my own skin. These days seem longer, yet in reality they get shorter. I watch as my breath fogs up the glass. It's a strange occurance to see something you don't feel.

It's not always like this you know. It's not always silent, deathly silent at that. Some days it sounds like a war zone. Voices as loud as machine guns firing inside my head. But, then again you wouldn't be able to tell.

That's the most frustrating thing. No matter how loud I scream inside, you can't hear a thing. A good amount of the time I can't sleep because of it. 
Numbness spreads along my body. Yet, I feel cold. I feel like I'm drowning and at the same time nothing at all. 

It sucks doesn't it? To hear about someone being torn apart inside. Getting a small glipse at the fire doesn't tell you how much it spreads. I don't want to stand here and throw words at you.

A piece doesn't want you to understand what its like. Honestly, you'll never know what it's like to wake feeling more exhausted than you did when you fall asleep. You'll never understand the fear in nights.

Because, that's when you relive everything. Thats when you feel yourself slip under the waves of self doubt, the currents of hatred dragging you under. The water filled with self loathing not giving you the air you need. 

You'll never understand, because you're still on land