the note (JAEGAN)

chapter 35

Raegan

-

i wake up to a soft, steady beat.. i lift my head and look around, forgetting where i am for a second. i look over at justin and he's peacefully sleeping. he steady beat was his heart monitor.

god i just want him to be okay.. i grab my phone and see the time. it's about four pm. "hey.." i hear and look up and jay. he's smiling at me.

"hey baby how are you doing?" i ask and grab his hand.

"um..better i guess. how about you?" he asks me.

"i'm going good. i'm just glad you're okay." i lie. i'm not doing good. i'm doing fucking horrible. i'm a wreck. it hurts me so bad that he was hurting and he tried to take his own life. i mean... i guess this is how he felt when i tried. but he knows why.. and he told me why he tried to but it still hurts. i just want everything to go back to normal..

"babe?"

"huh? oh yeah?" i'm taken from my thoughts.

"are you sure you're okay?" he asks, genuinely concerned.

"uh yeah. i am. i was just thinking." i smile.

"oh okay. what about?"

"kale. he's supposed to be coming down here. oh and you obviously. but that's about it." i tell him, almost honestly.

"okay. maybe you could call him. i miss him." he tells me.

"oh. sure." i turn my phone on and go to his contact.

after two rings he picks up.

"hey what's up?" he asks.

"i was just wondering when you'd be coming down here. justin says he misses you."

"oh. um. yeah sorry.. i just got caught up with kenna. her parents are home and we were trying to convince them to let me stay here longer. but yeah we'll be down soon."

"okay. we're in the same room i was in last time."

"okay."

"bye kale."

"by rae."

i hang up.

"he said he'd be down in a bit with kenna." i explain to him.

"okay. you didn't tell me this was the same room you were in."

"i just thought you'd remember. i mean.." i chuckle. "it looks the same." i finish.

"oh okay." he looks away.

"babe. what's wrong?" i ask.

"nothing. i..i just wish i hadn't done it..." he whispers.

"babe." i grab his hand again because i had to let go to call kale.

he doesnt look at me.

"baby..." i whisper.

"what.." it's more like a statement. i can tell he's crying. fuck.

"i'm sorry." i say.

"you don't have anything to be sorry for!" he yells and takes his hand away.

i can feel myself starting to cry.

"it's n-not your fault.." he says.

i don't say anything.

*knock knock*

i wipe my tears and stand up. walking over to the door.

i open it.