Love Yourself: Suga | The Last

One

"Miss, are you okay?" I blink and an older woman is standing in front of me, her wallet in her hands. I look down at the box of ramen in my hands. "Do you need some water, dear?" The concern in her voice brings me out my trance and I shake my head instinctively.

"N-no. I'm sorry, I can finish ringing these up for you right now," I mumble, bowing my head down awkwardly. I start swiping the rest of her items quickly, listening to the steady beep of the store scanner. The older woman watches me with concerned eyes but I do my best to hide my thoughts.

"Maybe you should take a break. You look exhausted, dear." The woman reaches a hand out and I don't think to stop my instant reaction of backing away. She looks at me alarmed as if no one has ever moved from her hand before. I can understand why too, she's absolutely harmless. "I'm sorry, that might have been too far," she says, trying her best to give me a small, warm smile.

It breaks my heart. I can feel the familiar clutch around my heart squeezing, stealing me of my breath. Behind my eyes I can feel the tears beginning to form. My hands start trembling and I do my best to move them fast enough, hoping she won't notice. I keep my gaze down. My teeth bite down on my bottom lip to stop it from also trembling.

I finally get her items scanned and breathe out. The faster I can escape her gaze, the better. "78,489 Won, please," I say quietly, hoping my voice doesn't deceive me.

She brings out two 50,000 Won notes and hands them to me. My hands shake as I reach out to take the money and right as I take them, she lets go and places both of her hands around my own. The sudden warmth of her aged skin surges through me and I can't stop the tears from escaping.

Please don't do this, I almost beg her, not right now. Not here.

"You are young and beautiful, dear. Your heart is good. Do not allow the evils of this world stop you from being the wonderful woman you are meant to be. Whatever it is that you are struggling with, I believe in you." Her words are more gentle than her hands. She lets go of my hand and moves towards her bags.

I open my mouth, but can't find the words to say. She puts her bags in her cart and I quickly type in her payment. My hands are shaking violently now and I'm embarrassed to notice the line forming beside me.

I hold out her change and she brings her hand up, shaking her head. "That is for you, dear. Please, go out and buy yourself something nice enough to make you smile."

"P-please, ma'am. I can not keep this," I hold it out to her. I want to disappear and get away from the gaze of everyone around me. I want to get away from this kind-hearted old woman who is set on touching my heart. Sensing that I'm not about to lower my hand any time soon, she reaches out and takes the change from me. "Thank you and have a good day," I say the words automatically and turn away from her steady gaze.

I grab the next item on the conveyor belt and start scanning, my brain on auto-pilot. She leaves with just the sound of a squeaky cart following her. Once it's out of my hearing range my focus switches back to the comforting, constant beep of the scanner.

I believe in you. Her words drift through my mind. Four words that I have never heard from anyone, not even myself.

I believe in you. I believe in you. I believe in you. Why?

~~ * ~~ * ~~ *~~*~~

I throw myself down on my bed the instant that I step foot into my dark room. The light is off and only the dim glow from the moon peeking through my curtains makes an appearance. Today was rough on both my mentality and physical state. My shift today marks my ninth day in a row of working overtime. My mind and body are both exhausted enough to pass out without removing my work uniform or washing my dirty, sweaty face.